Save Someone You Love From Suicide

 

www.ThinkingAboutSuicide.com - it's filled with articles, helps, and resources for those who are depressed or thinking of ending their lives as well as those who have lost a loved one to suicide.  Please reshare this, as you never know which of your loved ones and friends desperately needs the encouragement to live.  The articles are written by 20 of my Christian writer friends from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association.)  www.AWSA.com

Thanks and blessings,

Linda Evans Shepherd

 

Angie here: I love to share information that might save a life, a family, a hope. Please consider sharing the link, visiting for information, and finding hope for yourself or a loved one at risk for suicide. I'm honored to be part of the team of writers, but the only thing that matters is encouraging those we love to stay safe and get help. This site will also have help aids and support to families and friends who grieve the loss of someone they loved to suicide. The Lord loves you. Let Him minister to you through the love of others and don't isolate away from them.

Hanging onto Faith in the Midst of Breast Cancer

Introducing Yvonne Ortega, my guest today on God Uses Broken Vessels. Today she will be answering some interview questions over at my group blog, WritingByFaith.blogspot.com...

Yvonne shares:

When life seems to go along smoothly, we don’t struggle to believe God or to trust His ways. However, what happens when we receive a diagnosis of breast cancer?


On January 3, 2001, I heard the dreaded words, “malignant tumor.” I had breast cancer, and my world changed forever.

You may not have cancer, but each of us faces some kind of struggle. I found it helps to be honest with God. He knows what we’re thinking anyway. When we tell Him we’re riding an emotional roller coaster of fear, anger and depression, He helps us work through those emotions.
We can play praise and worship music day and night. With our focus on our heavenly Father, cancer or whatever we face seems small in comparison to Almighty God, our Rock, our Shield and our Strength.

As women, our hair and how it looks are important to us. However, some types of chemotherapy cause us to lose our hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. We can choose to withdraw and have a pity party or to believe God can use this experience for good in our lives and the lives of others.
In our daily quiet time we can include reading the Bible and memorizing Scriptures that promise us hope and healing.

I didn’t invite cancer into my life, but I am a stronger Christian and a woman who lives with purpose and passion because of cancer. I would have never become the published author of Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer, if I hadn’t lived through it.
I now host the program, Hope for the Journey, for breast cancer patients at www.blogtalkradio.com/hope-for-the-journey and archives are available 24/7. 

(Pssst...I added the link to get Yvonne's book if you would like. ~Angie)

I also send out a free weekly devotion in both English and Spanish. These outreaches of my ministry are a way to give back what others gave me during my bout with breast cancer and to praise the God who healed me.


Ask God to use your circumstances for His honor and glory and hang on to your seat. You are about to go on an incredible journey.

Copyright © October 2010 by Yvonne Ortega
Web site: www.yvonneortega.com

When A Man You Love Was Abused by Cec Murphey

When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphey

Just to let everyone know, I'm still reading this book but felt it was so important that I wanted to get some information out there to bring awareness for the courage it takes to acknowledge abuse no matter who you are. Please take note. If you don't need it, someone you know will.


Angie's Take:
Cec's vulnerability will help women begin to understand why the men they love act in numbness, hiding their emotions under a wall so thick they no longer are aware of their existence. What seems like neglectful uncaring is actually the inability to even find emotions long ago buried. Though there are very practical and helpful suggestions for women, loving a man who has been abused takes the help of Christ and Cec does not fail to acknowledge that important piece of the puzzle. Great opportunity to strengthen marriages and save many from destruction.

View all my reviews >>

Confident Self Presentation

How do you present yourself?

Is there a difference in your presence on stage and off?

Do you present yourself professionally online and off?

One of my favorite examples of confident self presentation are beauty queens. Does that surprise you? These women have a way of walking, holding their body, direct eye contact that's friendly and yet not threatening. Take that a step farther. Watch the winners. They also are able to infuse personality into and as a part of their confident manner.

At Mrs. International Pageant, some of the many women who amazed me with their level of confidence and community contribution!

Think about it: It has to take a ton of confidence to walk on stage in a swimsuit or tight fitness wear. People judge the competitors. What makes these women courageous enough to step out in a swimsuit or long gown (easy to trip on) walk out on a stage and be judged?

Every woman I've talked to during competition and in interviews for my non-fiction book, Courageous Beauty, has had a deep belief in a much larger goal. They aren't worried about being judged as much as they are challenged to take the opportunity to capture a vehicle to their goal. Hint: Every one of them has a constant, easy smile. It comes from a place of joy even in struggles and a willingness to look for opportunity regardless of how high the hurdle appears. Optimism that there is a way to achieve the goal regardless of the facts.

Presenting yourself with confidence starts with recognizing your goal is worth the challenge.

Do you study anything that helps you focus on your purpose or life calling?

A fun assignment: Watch a pageant. Know who the winner is in advance. Follow her through each area of competition. Study her physical and vocal cues. Note what you learn from her.

Please share:
What's your goal?

Is it big enough to make you step out into the competition?

If not, how can you make it bigger so that your desire to win that goal is bigger than the fear of the competition?

Angie
Do you have a plan to reach your goal?
Did you know courage, confidence, & wisdom are learnable skills?
Angela Breidenbach, Certified Personal Development Coach, can help you learn confidence skills and set a plan of action to reach your goal.
http://www.MyGemofWisdom.com

Dealing With Fear

I'm sharing with you today a gem of wisdom- the snowflake obsidian. I use it in lesson 4 of my online class, Battle Your Pirates and Win! to help people take an abstract concept to the concrete.

Did you know God uses gemstones in both the old and new testaments to help us remember special events, who or what to pray for, and as memory anchors? Yes-he uses rocks to anchor what he wants us to remember! I found this out while studying in the scriptures to answer some of my own questions. The altars, Aaron's breastpiece, the foundations of heaven, boundary lines, and special memorials are a few of the ways God uses his creativity with gemstones and ordinary rocks.

If a rock signifies courage, it has to be the snowflake obsidian.

Short excerpt from Battle Your Pirates and Win!
Snowflakes bursting against a night sky—the perfect description the snowflake obsidian’s white splash on gray rock. Sometimes the flakes overlap and create patches of snow. It’s a natural glass sculpture that looks like an artist intended to create one-of-a-kind abstract pieces. Obsidian comes from deep within the volcano to the top crust. As it cools more quickly, the composition is finer than the water filled and slower deep cooling magma that becomes granite. One thing to fear about any obsidian is the sharpness, particularly for the unaware. It can cut skin easily. The danger is real.

Ponder Point: Psalm 32:8 (NLT)
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”

So what are we afraid of if the Lord is guiding us along the best path?

Read the scripture out loud and then follow with this:
This obsidian represents courage as it bursts forth from deep within me. I will use the sharp edges of my fear to sculpt this unique gem of wisdom.


Angie
The photo here is of the snowflake obsidian pendant available at www.MyGemofWisdom.com and this line of jewelry helps support 2 orphan homes in Kenya. More information available on MyGemofWisdom.com

Stolen Identity by Kay Marshall Strom

Enormous eyes in a bony-thin face, and a baggy green dress that dragged the ground. Because of all the cast-off children at the village school in India, the raggedy girl stood closest to our translator, he gently asked her, "What is your name?"

The girl stared.

"Your name. What is it?" the translator asked again.

The girl whispered her answer: "I have no name."

A child with no name. A little girl abandoned so young she could not even remember what her parents had called her. She grew up begging at the train platform, snatching up the scraps harried passengers dropped, watching other children picked off by traffickers. Now that she was seven or eight--perhaps even a scrawny nine--the traffickers had come for her. But the girl screamed and kicked and clawed so ferociously that someone called the police. Someone with clout, evidently, because the police came and pulled her away from the traffickers. Somebody in the crowd suggested that instead of putting the child in jail, the police might take her to the village school, which they did. They dropped her at the door and left.

Human trafficking, especially sex trafficking, is rampant around the world. We think of it as an eastern European problem, or Indian or Nepalese or Thai. It is. But it's also a Western problem. The U.S. State Department estimates between 14,500 and 17,500 people are trafficked into the United States each year, but concede that the real number is far higher. According to the U.S. Justice Department's head of the new human trafficking unit, there is now at least one case of trafficking in every state.

The little girl with no name was fortunate that someone responded to her screaming pleas. What would you do if you heard a child shriek for help? Of course, if she were a trafficking victim in this country, she wouldn't likely scream or kick. She would probably shrink away in terror, or act submissively. You might see wounds--cuts, bruises, burns. Perhaps what would catch your attention would be the constant work: babysitting, cooking, washing dishes, scrubbing floors--never just being a child. Or maybe you couldn't say exactly what was wrong--only that something about the child's situation made you profoundly uneasy.

Please, please, if you suspect a person is being trafficked, call 911 and report it. Yes, it is okay. Yes, even it you are mistaken. In fact, eighteen states require citizens to report possible child abuse or neglect of any kind.

In the 1700s, Quakers led the fight against the African slave trade. In 1885, the Salvation Army took up the abolition banner, and since then it has led the fight against a different kind of slavery. More and more, 21st century abolitionists are followers of Christ determined to see slavery of all kinds ended in our day.

Oh yes... Before I left the school in India, I asked if we might give the little girl a name. She is now Grace.


About the Author:

Author Kay Marshall Strom has two great loves: writing and helping others achieve their own writing potential. Kay has written thirty-six published books including Daughters of Hope: Stories of Witness and Courage in the Face of Persecution and In the Presence of the Poor. She's also authored numerous magazine articles, and two screenplays. While mostly a nonfiction writer, the first book of her historical novel trilogy Grace in Africa has met with acclaim. Kay speaks at seminars, retreats, writers' conferences, and special events throughout the country and around the world. She is in wide demand as an instructor and keynote speaker at major writing conferences. She also enjoys speaking aboard cruise ships in exchange for exotic cruise destinations.

Schedule Kay for an interview or request her book for review by contacting Kathy Carlton Willis Communications at WillisWay@aol.com or call 956-642-6319.

Professionalism 101

Is it the suit?

Not really. I know it looks professional to wear a suit, but professionalism 101 is all about simple skills and the appropriate attitude. The clothes are tools that enhance skills and attitude. When you think of professionalism as skills and clothing as tools, it's easier to pick the right tool for the circumstance. Now we can shed the rebel excuses. Plumbers use tools, writers use tools, professionals use tools.

The ironic part of attitude is that it is also a learned trait. You can train yourself to have the right attitude, no one is born professional or appropriate. Go to a preschool and watch the two and three year old class. No one is born professional. It IS a learned skill.

A professional attitude is composed, courteous, attentive and self-assured. Being professional and feeling professional are two different things. Our confidence almost never comes first in learned behaviors. Confidence follows a pattern of training. Sure our emotions can be felt, but that's not what I'm sharing here. In this place, right now, we're talking about the sensing of your comfort zone experience and not allowing our emotions to rule our nerves. This takes self-talk and practice.

You'll feel fear, the desire to take flight, and self-doubt such as a new recruit in boot camp. Yet those recruits drill over and over until the new set of skills become second nature. Do you think they feel happy, warm and confident in the first few weeks of the military? Most arrive completely unaware of what is to come and yet they graduate as capable, skilled men and women who will protect their country.

How do you learn to be professional in an arena you've never or rarely entered?

Simple skills.

Be Prepared--Know who you will talk with and know your subject. For instance, if you wrote a book then have a 15 second synopsis rehearsed. Bring your contact information with you. Look up the interviewer and be familiar with who they are and what they do. Arrive early so you can compose yourself for a moment.

Dress the part for credibility--If you would like to go on a public appearance for your book or to speak, how would you dress? Publishers and agents want to know they can trust you with their customers. In most cases, dress at least one step above what your attendees would wear. If they wear jeans, you wear slacks. If they wear slacks, you wear a dress or suit (tie optional.) It's like wearing a uniform to point out who is on duty. The caveat? You'll feel more confident. Watch for this skill over the next few weeks in other people. Note what happens when it is ignored. Loss of credibility is a huge life lesson.

Learn how to speak with a confident tone of voice--Hiding behind an overly quiet or boisterous voice irritates the listener. Offer gracious courtesy by gifting the other party with a strong, clear tone. When a person is too soft, it's easy to misunderstand. The other party is forced to work harder and may tune you out. When overly loud, it can be painful and embarrassing for the receiving listener. Balance and courtesy are an impressive combination.

Be an attentive listener-- Pay attention to the information you are receiving and follow up on time. Be aware and request clarity when you are confused. One of the most common mistakes is the lack of questions. People are too afraid of being considered foolish that they can actually place themselves in a more ridiculous situation without the directions to carry out a task correctly.

Be composed-- This can be the most difficult and is often what people mean when they ask about confidence. Saying something embarrassing that could be immortalized forever seems to be a great fear. Gaining composure is merely a skill based on encountering challenge. Singers, speakers, actors have practiced this skill so often that it becomes a persona they put on just like clothes. For some reason, people fear being the Emperor Who Wore No Clothes as if they might later discover how naked they were. Composure is behaving with calm.

A quick story: I recently competed for an international title. During the fitness competition, I could not see the steps. I missed it, to the collective gasp of the audience. My arms swung wide and landed on the next level as if I'd tried to fly there. Having practiced composure in public situations, I remained calm, beamed out a giant smile and popped into a new pose. I received huge applause, not for the fall, but for the recovery. You see, I'd tripped in public before. Instead of staring into the spotlight horrified, I'd learned to minimize the mistake by maximizing the recovery. Smile, breathe, regroup and move on with grace. The professionalism comes into play on how you handle the unexpected as well as the expected eye contact and hand shake. Think like an actor, "The show must go on."

Enthusiasm--No, you don't have to do flips or cartwheels. Being enthusiastic means you are wholehearted, warm and deeply interested in the subject. Some people do have a natural tendency to be positive. That's not the same thing. If you are passionate about your topic, let that passion come through in the tone of your voice and the sparkle in your eyes. Enthusiasm is more the passion in your heart reaching out to warm the interest of another.

Use social niceties--Thank you, your welcome, please, may I? are all still in style. Remember to utilize them gracefully even when faced with rejection. You never know when your gracious attitude might bring back an old opportunity or past acquaintance. It's also impossible to know who all knows who in this networked world. Recognize and respond as if you will meet again.

When in doubt, ask yourself this: How can I portray gracious courtesy?

Practice constant courtesy even in negative situations and you will reap the reward of a professional demeanor worn as if you were born with it.

Angie Breidenbach
Mrs. Montana International 2009
Personal growth = Powerful living!
Purposeful Living Coach.
Helping people battle inner pirates and uncover gems of wisdom to live a sparkling life.
Come uncover your gems of wisdom at www.MyGemofWisdom.com

Confidence at Conference

Many Christian fiction writers are gearing up to attend the American Christian Fiction Writers Conference in Denver this September. Some are feeling the pinch of nerves as if their finger were caught in the car door. They want to go, need to go, but don't know how to get through it without serious doubts.

I'd like to share some ideas to help light the path for those feeling less than confident in professional situations. At least I can share what works for me.

Mentally prepare--Imagine yourself at the event. Imagine how happy, fascinated and alert you are to the opportunities around you. Imagine yourself looking confident and comfortable. This is the most important thing you can do in advance of something that worries you.

Dress the part--Wear clothing that makes you feel professional and confident. With time on your side, take note of how you feel in certain outfits ahead of time and pack those. I'm not telling you what to wear, I'm telling you to wear what makes you feel the best. It does reflect in how you hold yourself in public. Don't believe me? Do some people watching over the next few days. Pay attention to yourself in sweats and jeans versus slacks and a jacket.

Practice professional greetings in advance--If you aren't used to shaking hands firmly (but not breaking knuckles) then practice with friends and family. A proper hand shake is gently firm, has eye contact and a smile. The words can be anything comfortable akin to, "Hi, my name is..." That immediately gets a return response. All you have to do is say, "So nice to meet you, Joe." It's that simple. Teach your children and practice as they will need to know that skill too.

Talk to those who have gone before--Learn from their experience either by email, blogs, phone or in person.

Read the ACFW Conference Blog Tour! You'll be stunned by all the information and advice available. It fits for other events as well because good advice is just plain good advice.

Smile--Those that don't look petrified or bored. Those that do look friendly and approachable. Enough said.

Look for others--There will be ribbons for first time attendees. Team up and share what you are learning. You'll feel part of the pack instead of on the outside looking in at strangers.

Take one thing at a time--Don't be so busy that it's a whirlwind. Allow yourself to be present in the moment, at the meal or in the class. Look over the schedule several times in advance. Now a glance at the schedule will just be a confidence builder because you know what's next. By being aware, you'll feel prepared. It's that out of control feeling that zaps confidence.

Act confident--How? Eye contact, a soft and happy smile, allow yourself to sit up front and not hide, talk to people around you, shake hands, compliment people for pleasant things you notice, arrange coffee dates with new friends, ask questions about others, build relationships. Note: Do not keep repeating how nervous or bad or uncomfortable you are. All you are doing is repeating a broken mantra. Do repeat how excited and interested you are to retrain your brain.

Focus on the positive--Things will go wrong. They always do. Get enough rest so you aren't frazzled and that enables you to manage stress better. Things will go wrong. Your job is to focus on the solution not on the problem. Confident people look at the problem long enough to realize they need a solution...and then get to work on it.

Things will go wrong--What? I know, you heard this before. Being solution focused means you aren't micro-focused. When we try to micro-manage or microscopically tear something apart, we do more damage. Since things will go wrong, create self talk that allows you to calm yourself internally while you get creative about solving what went awry. I often use, "Well, that didn't work. What will?" I also use those moments in my writing. Such a wonderful study of plot possibilities. When you look at it from that direction, you might hope something goes wrong so you can use it in a book. It's amazing how creativity comes out of difficulty. Keep a journal of the drama. You'll need to make it worse for your heroine :-)

Ask for help--Don't let your mind get in the way of common sense. You are not bothering anyone to ask for help with something you don't know. Most people are honored to help and tickled to show they know something too.

Watch people you think look and act confident-- Mimicry is an excellent tool. When you note the behavior, vocal tones, and manners of confident people, you realize it is just a set of skills to learn. Did you mimic learning piano, riding a bike, learning to read? Okay then, watch others to learn the skills you want to master.

And when all else fails, breathe deeply and say a prayer. Trust me, that's what I do backstage before any performance or speech. Because it isn't about me after all, it's about the message God has placed in my being and wants to share through me. It's His job, not mine, to bring that message out.

Exodus 4:12 "Now go! When you speak, I will be with you and give you the words to say." Contemporary English Version

Our Internal Pirates

We all have them. Those negative issues that hold us down as if we are drowning from the anchors tied around our legs as they pull us down, down, down...internal pirates.

Pirates are ruthless. The battle cry is no quarter!

How do we overcome them? We have to take a hard look at them. I did this season.

Sometimes we get on the train heading in one direction only to realize that it takes several changes in station to achieve the destination. That's not getting derailed. I think too many of us think that if we have to change trains that we missed it. No, no, no. You are merely taking a connecting train with an occasional rest stop for an adventure.

My writing has had to take back seat this summer as I build the platform to support it into the future.

Although writing is my first choice, no one person can do it all. I decided in mid-May to wait until after mid-July to continue my writing projects. I have to put a lot of energy into building the business side.

Now my new website is up, the jewelry is online and beginning to sell and I am off to compete for Mrs. International. The business side is important. There are people counting on my ability to bring awareness to the situation many orphans are in around the world.

The energy. I keep coming back to that word. I've loved every bit of it. But energy is something we need to be good stewards of also. I think it's often missed too, to be a good steward of our energy.

Yes, I'll be getting back to writing in just a few weeks. I have a companion journal to finish with my non-fiction book and the second book in the Gems of Wisdom series to write. Then I need to reintroduce myself to a contest winning fiction manuscript that I put away when my mom passed. I put it away for a season. The planned season is ending. I look forward to the new season beginning :-)

Are you feeling drained?

In what way can you be a better steward of your energy?

Are you at the beginning or the ending of a season?

Angie
PS Please come visit www.MyGemofWisdom.com and see all the new stuff!

What is the big deal with brain donation?

I'm at a year. One year. What the heck happened to that year?

One year ago I was putting together a team. This team was so important to me. It would make the difference in the value of a human life.

One year.

And now that time has past. It passed so fast that I can hardly remember many of the days in between. Like the pictures of her above, the top is her 18th birthday. My daughter is now 18. It feels like a paradox. The people in the photos below are people that are still alive and knew her well. She mattered to them. She mattered to me.

The team had doctors, nurses, family, and friends. It had transfer options, hospital and hearse involvement. Why?

Because I knew my mom was dying. I couldn't let her go without somehow making her life matter. Somehow making what we'd been through have a purpose!

March 1st is coming up. That's the day it all went down. It went down and I began a climb toward purpose. But was it hers or mine?

With Mom's schizophrenia acting as a character in our own daytime drama, I couldn't let it win as if the mental illness was the victor. So I planned and plotted. I prepared and set in place something I felt would make a difference.

Mom died. I dealt with it in the best way possible. And then I didn't.

I prepared. I planned. I had it in my mind that I could do this thing. i could donate her brain because it would benefit mankind. It would make some other mother and daughter have what I didn't have, relationship.

Then at the last minute, at 11:45p.m. on March 1st, I panicked. I had to ask over and over if she'd really passed on. I had to have the nurse check several times. I stood there. Me. I had my hand on Mom's chest when she took her last breath. I knew she was gone! But I didn't want to believe it.

It would be the ultimate moment that I had to realize I could not ever connect in this world with her on a human level. I never could and I never would. The mental illness would forever be the wall between us. It meant I had to realize that someone would actually perform the procedure.

I was terrified that I couldn't make that decision. Terrified!

I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. I didn't want to make a mistake. I didn't want to be heartless.

Everything I'd been doing for almost 7 years was to provide and protect my mom. Suddenly I was allowing someone to really invade her.

Thank God for the hospice nurse.

Her gentle voice, reassurance that Mom had passed, and honestly-her eyes looking into mine told me I could do what needed to be done.

I gave the word.

What was it? Some amazing testament? Some profound utterance?

No. It was simply, "Okay."

"Okay?" She asked.

"Okay, do it. Do what we planned so we can help someone else." My sense of resolve never faltered, just my sense of insecurity over causing her pain. I wasn't fully accepting of her death in the short time since her last breath. Why did things have to move so slowly and then suddenly so swiftly?

So. One year later. How do I feel? I feel like it was an important step. A good step. A contribution to someone else's future.

I hope to see the end result, but I probably won't in my lifetime. The study for schizophrenia isn't an overnight success just like most everything else isn't. All the work and all the preparation for the big unveiling of the "success" is done behind the scenes over years uncounted.

Would I do it again?

Yes.

How do I know?

Because I'm a brain donor too. And when I pass, I hope my husband and children will have the courage to continue what I started. It's not easy dealing with the emotions of donating organs from someone you love. It's not easy because the picture is in your head no matter what anyone else says.

It's still the right thing to do. The picture gets better. In fact, as time passes, you will feel like you made the right decision to help others.

My advice is this: Set up in advance what needs to be done so that when the time comes, you can just put the wheels in motion. Too much to think through will cause failure. That is a regret I know I couldn't live with. Could you?

Angie

A Chance to Change

Over the last several months, I've been asked about the foods I eat because I've lost 30 pounds and kept them off. I have to say that I made this a lifestyle and not a diet. That's important. Why? The foods you eat have to be foods you can live with every day. It's not possible to diet off the weight and then go back on the foods I ate before.

I began going to Weight Watchers Aug 11th, 2006. I lost weight very slowly by learning to try new foods, control my portion sizes, excercise (which I did prior), and learn to like vegetables in a huge array.

I thought I knew healthy food. I thought I understood how to feed my family. I learned I did not. I had to learn the skill of substitution. I also had to experiment with recipes to discover things I had never tried before. I decided that this would be an adventure.

It took me 3 1/2 years to walk in the door of a Weight Watchers meeting. It took me 8 months to lose 30 pounds. What was the magic? Recognizing I had a problem, and a closed mind, due to my own fears. I had to face my fear. The fear that I couldn't lose weight and if I failed, I had no hope. Then it would be my fault, my failure, my incompetence.

One day I asked myself, "If I do nothing, can I live with myself staying this way? Can I live with the knowledge that I didn't do everything in my power to avoid diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure? Could I take one more chance and try one more time?

I walked in the door. The ladies smiled at me and welcomed me warmly. They helped me overcome my fear of failure.

There were weeks I failed. The leaders taught me to refocus and keep working the plan, the decision I'd made.

Once I made the decision, I only had to manage the decision as John Maxwell teaches. I'd made the choice to change so all I had to do was get educated by people who could help me learn to change. I kept going even on bad days, bad weeks, and through the holidays. I kept on keeping on. Some weeks I gained. But most I lost. Some weeks I lost two tenths of a pound. Okay, a lot of weeks I lost only two tenths of a pound. I kept on.

And one day,in April, I met my goal. I could have stopped at any time. I could have given up on the week's I gained. I looked back to a year ago. One year ago I had only lost about 4 or 5 pounds after almost 3 months. I could have never joined. Where would I be? I'd be at least 30 pounds heavier, hurting from my legs, and unhappy with something about myself that I really did have the power to change.

I had to turn my face to a future hope. I kept that hope alive by focusing on that dream rather than on a bad day or week. When I thought about quitting, I looked back and asked myself, "If I never did more than the few pounds I've lost, is it enough? I've lost this much, look at that!" I turned my attitude for excitement at every little loss instead of an attitude of disappointment that the loss was too small. I changed my attitude of self-propogating failure to an attitude of praising small successes.

You know what that did? It gave me a new self-confidence and belief in my abilities as a side benefit. Wow!

One of the most significant changes, after attitude, I made was portion control. But I didn't want to be hungry. So I bought a new book on how to cook vegetables. Nope, not kidding. I read it and went shopping. I'd never really eaten a lot of vegies growing up. They were more like a colorful condiment than part of the meal.

The next major thing I did was add fiber. I changed my choices on breads and pastas. They had to have fiber and extra nutrients. AND, they had to taste good. So I thought other people might like to know the foods I found that actually taste good and can replace the foods I thought I couldn't live without.

Tomorrow, I'll share some of the brands and foods that I've taste-tested and found great!

Thanks for visiting:-)
Angie

Crazy Days

Some days are full of adrenaline when you least expect them to be. You have your schedule lined up and it's not so bad. Then one of your kids, family members, or friends call with a real emergency.

Your heart stops, then it speeds up to an rate faster than an expert poker player shuffles a deck. Somehow everything else you thought was important falls away like the leaves falling off the trees in a strong gust.

All focus, all energy, all natural inclination to "fight" zeroes in on what is truly important, how much you love that person.

I can only say thank you today to the people in Thailand taking care of my daughter during a medical emergency and thank you to God for protecting her from serious harm.

With a heart overflowing in gratitude, THANK YOU!
Angie

Thailand Exchange Student

My daughter is spending a year exchange over in Thailand. I'm thrilled for her! She was met at the airport by a large group of warm and loving people. They even sent me photos right away of their greeting!

I am so grateful to the host families that are opening their homes to welcome in a teenager from the U.S. This is a program that will do some wonderful things in cultural understanding. There are several programs available, but I'm very impressed by the Rotary Youth Exchange.

To the wonderful people in Thailand, thank you. I hope to one day have the opportunity to express my gratitude for all you are doing to pour into my own daughter and the other youth you support during their exchanges.

I am also awed by the courage it took my daughter to embark on this dream. She worked very hard to achieve it. She now has the opportunity to learn Thai, Chinese, Japanese, and the experience of another place. Her heart is open to this huge leap into the unknown.

We've always made it a priority to take our kids on trips outside our comfort zone. I believe in designing your dreams so that you make a difference in the world rather than wearing designer clothes. So far, this philosophy has opened up international travel to all of our kids.

I'll never forget a comment made by my son's coach. He said, "The world is a small place for Forrest." I want my children to be a part of the community of the people God created rather than in a small microcosm that they never leave or can see beyond. I hope that I've poured into them the delight of exploration and the joy of getting to know people and places all over the world.

My daughter's year abroad is emotionally tough because I miss her already. But I am looking forward to the woman she will become because she had this experience. Yes. There is fear in letting go. I do trust that she is living the plan God has had for her since he knit her together in my womb. I believe this is one small part to give her the tools she will need to live out the dream the Lord placed in her heart, woven into her DNA. Just look at her glow! And look at the hearts He put in her life this year.

Go and grow pretty girl. I love you, Mom.

Angie

He Whispered In My Ear

The other day, I went to lunch with my friend Jean. She's a very special lady. Jean gifted me with a pair of earrings from her daughter, Jenna.




The poignant note on the gift? Jenna died a few years ago in a car accident on her way to church. Jenna is very special to me and to so many here in Montana. Everyone smiled when Jenna was around. You couldn't help it! I miss her.

Here's the odd thing. Several weeks ago, I went looking for a pair of earrings. I don't have many. I'm allergic to most metals. I hoped I might buy some dangling, feminine, fun wires. (They're less reactive in my ears.) Anyway, it was a tiny desire tucked away down in my heart. No one but the Lord knew it. I have so many more pressing matters to desire solutions for than a whimsical wish for a pair of earrings.

God knows the desires of your heart. He wants to bless you with them. He did this for me through this lovely gift. In the process, He wasn't just blessing me with the lilt of a fickle wish. No. God showed me that He cares for even my smallest want, need, or desire.

We've been asked to be faithful in the small things in order to be trusted with larger issues in God's plan. He had just shown me it works both ways. The Lord is faithful in the small things so that we can trust that He will be there for our big worries and problems. That's what God whispered to me through Jean's gift. I trust that if He can be aware of such a small tickle of a wish, and grant it, that He is completely aware of those things my heart is shouting. He will be there in those hard, painful, and overwhelming things because the Lord is very aware of the littlest part of me.

Additionally, Jean reminded me of something I desperately needed to hear. She ministered to me that day. In the pain of her loss, the Lord sent her to me to be His hand of mercy and support. You see, God uses broken vessels.

To Jenna, Jean, and the Lord (who knows all my needs)-Thank you.

A little hard to see, but I'm wearing the earrings in this photo. :-D Whenever I wear them I'll be reminded of Jenna. Also, God does hear and will take care of me.



Angie

Boundaries

Have you ever wondered why you let something go so far? Do you often feel invaded? What about pushed around? Defensive?

Often the problem isn't even definable. You may no longer like yourself because of the resentment and anger. Feelings of worthlessness, being unloved, or like you are incapable of making normal decisions without someone else's approval sneak in like fog tendrils through a crack in the door. You don't notice until fills the room.

When someone reads your diary, that's a socially recognized invasion. What about someone who regularly goes through your things looking for clues to support their suspicions? Most of the time, this isn't about whether you are guilty or innocent. It's more about the other person's lack of confidence in themself. Self-doubt absorbs every thought, word and action so that they are on a mission (albeit an obsessive one) to prove the "facts." It's sociopathic behavior. There is no remorse, lot's of accusation, but no recognition of their own misbehavior. In fact, this kind of soul often convinces themself (and you) that their reasoning is sound and that somehow you brought it on yourself!

Have you thought much about your own opinions? Are they really yours or are they thrust on you? (We're going to talk about this in a future blog in depth. It'll be the, Who Am I Really? post.)

Strong opinions should have a personal source in experience, not someone else's, but your own. When someone manipulates your opinions, you can't trace back to an incident that actually caused you to form that opinion. You've heard it so many times that you absorbed the opinion. Think about what you say over the next few days. Have you been manipulated by repetition and emotion?

Try this excercise: Really think before you share an opinion. Determine if you can trace it back to an experience related to you. Then think hard again. What is it based on? Consider these options-knowledge, experience, or heresay? How do you feel about that opinion now?

Now, one last thing for today (these are only examples as not everyone is exactly the same.) If someone is going through your things, accusing you of behavior you really don't do, or regularly stands in your personal space (less than 18-24 inches away), threatens to destroy your things, does destroy your things, puts you and/or your family members down, touches when they aren't invited-well this list can go on-then your boundaries are being invaded.

Recognizing you have a right to boundaries is the very first step in personal growth. Would you be willing to concentrate on learning your boundaries for a while? And remember, change is hard. Other people don't like change. You will face resistance. But do you want to feel this way a year from now or feel more confident because you can look back and see amazing progress in becoming the beautiful soul God made you to be?

May the Lord bless you, dear friend, with the courage to explore your boundaries,
Angie

PS Here's a book that might help.

Building a support network

Q: Why do I need to build a support network?
A: Are you looking for a better job? Are you alone? Are you living a full life? Do you feel like you are making a difference? Are you shy? Do you have a good circle of friends? Are you abused? Could you use a little feedback? Are you facing difficulty? Is your marriage in trouble? Are you trying to lose weight, kick a bad habit, overcome an addiction? Are you a parent? Okay, are you human? God made us for human connection. Deep down inside, we all know it and need it. If you've never had many friends or supportive fellowship, this feels uncomfortable. But it still is a human need.

Q: How do you build a support network?
A: The first thing to do is stick out your hand. You have to meet people.
This can be a very scary thing for shy folks, but it's a terrifying act for abused individuals. The third degree isn't a joke. (Where have you been? Who was he? Why were you talking to her?) Harsh questions cause so much stress that it's easier to shut down. Don't. Don't let the abuser take away the most natural and basic need you have-human connection. Aloneness equals vulnerability. Fear allowed to run rampant over your needs equals vulnerability. Choosing to be vulnerable or choosing to make a move toward victory-your choice.

Q: How do I meet people?
A: Everywhere you go and everything you do puts you around people. Begin to practice the simplest things. Smile. Say hello. Shake hands. Tell them your name and get theirs. Some people can't do this without tremendous fear. So every day, just try one thing. Then force yourself to go one step further. Do this every day. If you don't feel confident, act confident. If you don't feel comfortable, act comfortable.

Q: How do I "act" confident and comfortable?
A: This is really the "trick" that most people sluff off as impossible because they think acting is what Hollywood does . But it's the easiest. Watch other people. See how they act and act like that. Is there someone you think is confident? Analyze what they do and do it. Remember this old phrase, "Fake it until you make it." You think you can't? Then what are you doing right now when you pretend everything is okay and it's really not? Confidence isn't built in a day or a week. It's gaining trust in yourself. It's finding out that you are valuable and worthwhile. When you act like you are valuable suddenly other people begin to see you as valuable.

Q: How does it work?
A: Think about an Olympic athlete. The most critical thing for an Olympian to do is envision their success. They rehearse it mentally hundreds of times a day. This is what you need to do to succeed in gaining confidence. Envision yourself as confident. What will that look like? How will you speak and act? If you see someone who appears confident to you, then take that behavior and imagine doing it yourself.

Q: How do I tell the difference between confidence and cockiness?
A: Great question! A confident person is one who wants to share and help others. A peaceful and comfortable person wants to add value to other people. A cocky person is someone who wants to show off. A show off is really just selfish at heart. They spend a lot of time trying to impress you and talking about themself. You really can tell the difference. Start noticing both types. Which would you prefer to spend time with? Which would you rather be?

Q: How long does it take?
A: A day to start. It takes a lifetime to practice. Confident people aren't fear free. They just do it anyway. Barbara Streisand is one of the most beloved and well-known performers in the world. She once said she threw up before every performance from stage fright. Moses begged the Lord to take away the burden of speaking to the Pharoah out of his fear. Esther prayed and fasted before she went publicly to her husband in fear of her life. My knees shake like mad every time I sing as a liturgist. You're in good company:-)

Q: What's my next step?
A: Do it again. Every time you go back to the same store, the same library, the same restaurant smile and say hi to the clerk, bank teller, librarian. Begin to get to know the new people in your life little by little. Learn something new about the people in your world each time you meet them. Ask a simple or common question like, "How are you?" "You had a cold, are you better?" "What school do your kids go to?" Anything that comes to mind in the normal day-to-day passing. Practice some common questions as you think about the people you'll see each day. This helps the question come to mind naturally instead of the big blank. I learned to smile at myself in the mirror until smiles came all the time. Look for reasons to smile in your daily walk. Share those smiles with someone else. Did you see a child laugh? Why? Can you smile with her mother over that little laugh? Can you comment on how precious that moment was and then let the mommy expand on her feelings? What about any situation? If you see another person cares deeply about something, mention what you admire in it. Then simply listen to them expound on it.

Q: Then what?
A: As you find things in common, build on them. Someone's kids swim with yours, or play basketball, or you like the same author then draw them into a conversation at one of those events. If you can't think of something, use this time to grant a compliment. Make it sincere, but give one.

Q: Why a compliment?
A: Because everyone needs uplifting moments in their day. It shows you care, you noticed, and that you are aware of them as a person. This doesn't happen often enough. We're so worried about how we look, act, and dress that we forget the world isn't about us. Our job is to add value to those around us.

Q: What do you mean "add value to those around us?"
A: Model caring behavior toward others because we were put here to please God. When we care about other people, we become the hands of the Lord. When we speak kindness, joy, uplifting thoughts to the folks in our circle then we mirror the love of God. This is how we make a difference in the world and take the spotlight off our nervous little selves. Instead of feeling like the magnifying glass is on us and trying to hide, we open up to becoming the binoculars for Christ. He can zero in and help someone else because we allow Him to use us to be His mouth, eyes, and hands. Speak kindly, see other's needs, and offer a hand whenever possible.

Q: What difference will all this make? It seems like a lot of work.
A: When I started doing this twelve years ago, I found God blessed me with a whole new circle of friends. Friendship that isn't one-sided. People who cared about me because I cared about them first. Hmm, sound familiar? The Lord models this for us, "We loved because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19.

So, my question is...
Are you willing to try? What would your life look like if you added a little bit each day? What will it look like in a year? Would you like new friends? Are you willing to trust the Lord with it?

It's all about building the skills and stepping out in courage.

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4

Reflections of You

Have you ever second guessed yourself? No, make that second guessed God?

You know what you are supposed to do, but someone else makes a comment that makes you wonder about something you were so sure of? This happens often to abused women. Things get twisted back to them until they no longer know what they wanted because they have no one to reflect their thoughts but the abuser.

But it can happen to anyone. It's the aspect of doubt versus trust. You no longer trust your own decisions or the leading of God because you handed that power over to someone else.

Isolation causes doubt to reverberate louder and louder until it overtakes confidence. It's like watching a skiier try to outrun an avalanche. Abusers know this. The goal is to cut off all support in order to control the input and yank all sense of solidity away. When you're flailing out of control, then you'll grab onto anything for support. And that's when you get caught under the weight of insecurity.

When trust gets eroded, where do you turn? How do you find it again?

God gave us the enormous gift of fellowship. That's why other people are so important as support networks. That's why church, Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watcher's all work. The spiritual law of fellowship is at work infusing security and counsel.

I felt a deep stirring toward God uses broken vessels as my tagline. (For those who aren't writers, this means it tells my readers the main theme or promise of my writing.) Then someone I respect told me it sounded negative. Was it? What would I do? I'd built my future around this-the idea that helping others learn that God uses broken vessels is a beautiful, freeing, and healing way of life. That harsh realities are what make us able to make a difference in the world. They help us to connect at the heart and reach a hand to another going through the same thing. It says that even though we aren't perfect, we are still valuable. We are able to contribute value to others because of the wisdom gained during hardship, mistakes, and overcoming evil done to us.

Difficulties are a gift from God that tenders our heart with compassion for other souls mired in the same pain that we've been through. We can help another clamber up the mountain behind us because we understand.

If you're going through abuse in any form, would you please think about the people you know? Would you consider making an effort to communicate and build friendships? The more isolated you are, the less likely you are thinking clearly. Decisions will start to be made for you, if they're not already.

If you have a friend in this situation, would you consider making a stronger effort to connect? You may not realize she isn't leaving your friendship on her own accord. Life just got so busy that you didn't notice her slowly sinking below the surface.

Fellowship allows us to bounce ideas and thoughts off another person. When they reflect back to us, we start to wake up and see that something isn't right. A mind left alone will justify the situation to create a comfort zone. The last thing you want is your friend to get comfortable with abuse. Believe it or not, it's often easier to do than to fight. She'll begin to make excuses, downplay the severity, and pull back from regular activity. She thinks it will make him stop. It won't. The cycle is deceptive.

So what did second guessing my tagline have to do with anything? I saw the vision God instilled in me begin to crumble. I doubted my ability to discern. I doubted my ability to find my way out of the confusion.

Unlike an abuser, the person who made the comment had no intent to do any of this. But it drove home to me how easy it is to sway away from God's leading without the proper support network.

How did I handle it? I sent out an all call to a bunch of gals God provided for me. They are all strong followers of the Lord. They are strong supporters through the gift of fellowship. By bouncing ideas off them, I realized that the other comment (while well-intentioned) was off base for the plan God has for me. Fellowship does that. It keeps you on track, safe, supported.

What do you need to do to find a support network? For your personal life? For your career? For your parenting? For your dreams? For your safety?

Do you know how? Stay tuned. We'll talk more about creating a support network. I had to learn to do this and you can too.

In the meantime, consider reading the Proverbs. See if you can find the verse that says, "Where there are many counselors, plans succeed." Then meditate on how this applies to fellowship.

Angie

What are you doing to reach your dream?

I read a great quote recently on one of my online classes.

"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen."

~ Frank Lloyd Wright

What dream do you feel so intensely that you are willing to be devoted unremittingly? No turning aside. It zings around in your head when you should be sleeping. The dream whispers to you by pinging off the walls of other ideas. It whistles past your ears instead of the business meeting you are attending while the presenter is suddenly muted.

What do you need to change to consider yourself dedicated to what you want to see happen?

For me, I needed an education in the business of publishing. I spent over a year slowly and methodically recreating my schedule to bring about a new lifestyle that allows me to write and take classes. Now, one year later, I've stepped it up. I'm taking 2-4 classes a month online. My website is up and fully functional. I've completed my first novel and just started the second. My blog (yep, this one) and a new group blog are also fully functional. Before I accept a responsibility, I've learned to weigh it against my goals. That includes choices in classes because I'd really rather do them all!

So what does this mean? It means there's no going back. I've invested not only my time and money, but I've fully invested me into my dream. I cannot see my life as it was before because I have remade it. My life is in alignment with the dream God has given me. I am devoted to bringing this goal, this dream, this way of being to pass.

Thank you so much, Lord, for placing inside of us the burning desire to achieve what you made us to do.

And lovely reader, if you aren't on fire and devoted to your dream right now, what will it take for you to unleash the dream inside of you? What do you need to release? What can you change? Nothing needs to happen overnight. I've learned things are done in a process, not in a whirlwind. Make one decision, make it fit, and then make another. One step at a time. You'll look back a year later and think, "Wow it worked, look at how far I've come."

The point of all this? Your decisions from this moment on becomes a crossroad. Every decision you give away becomes a left turn. A turn away from the path you should be on. How many left turns will you make before you make the "right" turn? Not sure? Think about Jeremiah 6:16. “This is what the Lord says, ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.’ But you said ‘We will not walk in it’”

So what about it? Will you stand and ask or will you charge down the left fork?

May God grant you the good way,

Angie

Dealing with Fear

How do you deal with fear? For me it is almost always jumping into the deep end on a cold winter day. I'm standing on the edge of the pool (indoor of course) and I have to go in whether I want to or not.

It started in 5th grade. Swimming was offered as a mandatory class. But guess what year my body decided to make itself noticed. ahem. So, by 6th grade all the girls quit talking to me because all the boys noticed me. Like I could make it go away somehow! But I was afraid to be in a swimsuit in front of people.

By high school, I gave up trying to hide my womanhood and took swimming and diving. I was good at it and it was fun. This meant cold workouts at another school. Running through the snow, changing out, and getting 30 minutes in the pool. There was NO time for whining about being a little chilly.

I had a choice-swim or flunk. So I got in the habit of counting to three and diving in. I'd always have a split second in the air where I'd wonder what demon possessed me to be so stupid...but then it'd be over and the swim would be good.

I still use that skill today. (Yes, I still swim.) I use it when I'm afraid of most anything. I count to three, have a split second to wonder at my audacity, and then submerge myself. I've never regretted it. Diving in allows me to stretch, explore, and be adventurous. Blogging was adventurous to me. I was soooo scared.

I'd like to introduce you all to why I don't regret challenging myself to dive into cold, deep water. It's you. Look back at the amazing and compassionate comments on the last couple of entries. You all are there showing me that leaping into a new opportunity is a wonderful experience.

How do you push through fears?
Angie