Amazing Answers to Prayers

In the last month, I've had some amazing answers to prayers. Prayers that started over eighteen months ago. Sometimes it feels like a wilderness, the waiting for answers and healing.

After the car crash Christmas of 2011, I spent four months with hours and hours each week in physical therapy and doctor visits, then into a shoulder surgery, and then back into another seven months of PT.

Discouraged, I wondered what my lesson would be in all the lost time. Besides making my mark on the world ;) How would all that lost time translate into something good? God promises to work all things for good for those who love the Lord. He had me really curious as I thought I wandered the wasteland.

Angie's Mark on the World
Crash spot a few months later the ground is still torn up.

(It doesn't seem like all that time passed. But it took a year from turning in the manuscript to the release of A Healing Heart, in April 2013. That entire year rather than waiting for my book to release, I was in recovery from the car wreck and surgery.)

Have you ever been in that place where you had no idea how to pray? With so much time spent recuperating from the shoulder, neck, back injuries the creative part of me chomped at air. I wondered how long until life felt normal again. Writing and speaking, still so important to me, had to slow down to fit in all the medically necessary appointments. I prayed for it all to be over, to be healed, and to return to the writing world. And God answered.

But God allowed me to wait for some very good reasons.

1. How it felt to have a long illness.
2. How to help my fitness and weight loss clients with comprehension and compassion for injuries.
3. Editing for income.
4. Changing directions I wouldn't have thought of prior.
5. Learning, learning, learning to overcome a fear of driving.
6. Opening my eyes to opportunities.
7. New friendships and deeper relationships with old friends.
8. Trust. That people really wanted to help and I didn't need to do everything myself.
9. New ideas for more novels because of the many experiences in the long process.
10. A willing heart to take the path God puts me on.

Rainbow near the crash site.
God's love shines in every circumstance and He does bring good out of rough circumstances even if it takes a long time for us to see it.

Save Someone You Love From Suicide

 

www.ThinkingAboutSuicide.com - it's filled with articles, helps, and resources for those who are depressed or thinking of ending their lives as well as those who have lost a loved one to suicide.  Please reshare this, as you never know which of your loved ones and friends desperately needs the encouragement to live.  The articles are written by 20 of my Christian writer friends from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association.)  www.AWSA.com

Thanks and blessings,

Linda Evans Shepherd

 

Angie here: I love to share information that might save a life, a family, a hope. Please consider sharing the link, visiting for information, and finding hope for yourself or a loved one at risk for suicide. I'm honored to be part of the team of writers, but the only thing that matters is encouraging those we love to stay safe and get help. This site will also have help aids and support to families and friends who grieve the loss of someone they loved to suicide. The Lord loves you. Let Him minister to you through the love of others and don't isolate away from them.

Free Book TODAY ONLY: January 12, 2012

Free Book TODAY ONLY: January 12, 2012

When You Don't Know What to Pray-How to Talk to God About Anything
Linda Evans Shepherd
Cost: FREE below or click HERE: http://tinyurl.com/7hfsldv

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In addition.... Announcing... NEW e-BOOK!

I have a special connection in that Linda graced me with the honor of being her editor for this project. I found myself stopping and praying because she wrote it in such a way that I connected with God's word in a new and enlightened understanding. I agree completely that I'm now enjoying a more powerful walk with God because I hear and comprehend the love story and God's desire to know me better. Here's the info :-)

The Living Story, Enjoying a Powerful Walk With God
Linda Evans Shepherd
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The Living Story, Enjoying a Powerful Walk with God portrays a `bigger picture
of God' that will captivate your heart as it helps you put your relationship
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Through key Bible stories that will take you from Eden to eternity, Shepherd
shows how God rescued us so that we can have a more intimate walk with him. But
more than pointing out that we can walk with God, Linda shows you how. She gives
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benefits of a richer life filled with joy and purpose.

Buy The Living Story direct from Kindle for $2.99, go to:
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The Power of a Thank You Note

Rough day?

And the sigh is as long as the face.

Then the unexpected happens. It's not related to this day. It's not related to the events of the week or even the month. It's a surprise from something forgotten. A kind turn given and forgotten.

A thank you note shows up in the mail.

The day brightens.

For a moment, your mind flickers back to that tiny deed. It was nothing. It didn't cost much time or effort.

But somehow, you touched a life enough to warrant a thank you.

The blessing? The sense of appreciation shows up on the day you need it most. The day you feel like life is just a little too hard. Challenges just a little too big for you.

But God knew. He knew when He nudged you to say yes to a small deed that meant the world to someone else. He knew you'd need that encouragement that minute. God prepared a special angel kiss way before you knew you'd need it.

The power of a thank you note isn't the words, oh they are often very beautiful and inspiring. The power of a thank you note is attitude altering, affirming, and awesome. It's stunning how enriching that powerful note can be.

Do you send thank you notes? Did you ever think they might actually be a gift set up by God for the person receiving it? Is it possible God is working through you when you send a thank you note to speak encouragement right into the soul of someone?

Building Confidence On Past Accomplishments

Have you thought these words before?

"I'm just not capable!" or a similiar, "I can't do it. I don't know how."

Oh yes, I have! That's when I review the good things I've already accomplished. Most with no idea how to start either. It helps me realize if I could do it before, I can do it again.

What's the "it"? Let's look at that sentence expanded. If I could figure out how to start a project and succeed, even through frustration and cluelessness, then I can figure out how to be creative and succeed again.

Lately, I've been struggling with writing time and focus. I've been overcommitted in a new job and heavy volunteerism, family needs with varying individuals either sick or injured, and some sad moments when we lost two beloved pets in the last month. I started allowing my mind to spin into all the needs in the next few months from money to product for speaking events to travel. I started the self-talk off on the wrong foot. I allowed myself to say, "I don't have a clue, how am I supposed to do this?" Spiral down.

It was like being in the middle of a meteor shower. Not watching it, being IN it. My brain just fritzed out on me with all those flying space bodies.

This morning I woke up praying. Praying from my dreams and my sleep. Wow! I really think it has something to do with Romans 8:26-27 where we are told that when we don't know what to pray for, the Holy Spirit will do it for us.

So right now I've stopped everything. I've made a list of all those meteors so they are out of the space between my ears and landed the moon for a short time while I refuel and reset my fritzed out systems.

One of the little niggly meteors that bugged me was I didn't have a good list of the free lance I'd been doing. I didn't even know how much I'd done because it was not on my radar for tracking. Yet it's important in this publishing world to show your work.

I decided to take a few minutes and round up all the free lance articles I'd written in the last two years and compile them into one document. Now I can keep records and referrals. I feel just a tad bit better.

If getting a list, working each item on the list, and filing it for reference helps me refocus, then I am less stressed. Lessening the stress helps me settle into what needs to be done. Not just reminding myself, but encouraging myself with past accomplishments clears the fritzed systems and prepares me for a take-off.

How to track free lance work we've done? At one point I started a spread sheet. Another was a file in the computer. But some of the work is online and some is in print. Hmm, what to do?

I felt that I'd done the beginnings of a good plan. I had a file on my computer, a physical file, and a spreadsheet. I'm going to add a link of each online article in one document and store that document in both the physical file and the computer file. The spreadsheet needs to be updated with articles sold. I'll move that spreadsheet into the computer file so everything is in one place. At the end of each month, I can print out the spreadsheet and add it to the physical file for taxes. Hmm. Better already.

Once I began to feel confident in a small area, I could move to a bigger area. It's all building blocks with confidence.

I also realized that some of the work was for the same publishing outlet. As an example, I didn't keep the live link for the Christian Fiction Online Magazine. I'd kept my version that I submitted, but no proof of the actual published version. So I simply went back to the archives and began copying the link into my document like this:

http://www.christianfictiononlinemagazine.com/feb-09-buzz_acfw.html

http://www.christianfictiononlinemagazine.com/mar-09-buzz_acfw.html

Confidence definitely comes from realizing we can do again because we've done before.

Have you experienced this sense of "I can't..." lately?

How do you regain confidence and refocus after your system has fritzed?

Angie
Now coaching confidence and courage. Visit http://www.MyGemOfWisdom.com for more information

Squeezing The Good Out of Bad by James Watkins

Publisher: XarisCom

ISBN: 978-0-578-01006-9

Retail: $12.96

Paperback

http://www.jameswatkins.com/squeezing.htm

Author Bio:

James N. Watkins is the author of sixteen books and over two thousand articles. He is the acquisition editor for Wesleyan Publishing House, an editorial advisor for ACW Press, instructor at Taylor University and a sought-after conference speaker. He’s won Campus Life’s Book of the Year award and various other awards for writing and editing. He’s married to Lois. They have two children and four grandchildren. His family is the lemonade in his life.

Interview with Jim provided by Kathy Carlton Willis:

Kathy: You've been in the literary world for a while, give us a quick recap of how you got started to where you are today.

Jim: By second grade, I knew I wanted to be a writer. I felt the suspension of disbelief was stretched too thin when the real-live puppet Pinocchio became a real live boy. So I rewrote the ending having the wooden puppet die a painful, prolonged death ofDutch elm disease. (At that point, I'm sure my parents and teachers weren't sure if I'd become a writer or a life-long patient at a psychiatric hospital.) I later went on to become the editor of my high school paper, worked at a Christian publishing house as an editor during college, and then dabbled in writing while holding down a real job. Since 1988 I've been writing and speaking full-time.

 

Kathy: In Squeezing Good Out Of Bad you give many insightful tips on how to turn around sour circumstances. Share a practical way we can be encouraged during tough times.

Jim: My "top ten list" of chapter titles 10-4 provide practical steps for dealing with lemons, but the real secrets are found in chapters 3-1. (Yes, like a true top ten list, the chapters are numbered backward.) Romans 8:28 promises that that God is working all things out for our good to accomplish His purpose in our lives. But we have to read on to verse 29 to find that purpose: "to be conformed to the image of His Son."

 

Kathy: No life is perfect. Can you give us an example of how you got through a challenging situation and were able to use these principles to see the good in it?

Jim: I think it's so important that we take our faith seriously, but I certainly don't want to take my situation or myself too seriously. So I create a mental "top ten" list of what good can come about in this situation. For instance, last year I had radiation for cancer and it totally depleted me physically and mentally. My family dubbed it "radiation retardation." Because of that, I was fired from a wonderful part-time job because I just couldn't do it. So, "Top Ten Great Things about Losing My Job": 10. I'll be paying less taxes next year. 9. I've got twenty hours a week of free time. 8. . . .

Our family is going through something right now that is far worse than cancer, and I can't see a single good thing that can come out of it. So, at those times, you just keep hanging on--with white knuckles--to the fact that God loves you and the Romans 8:28 is still in effect. 

Kathy: What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Jim: Spare time? What's that? I'm a firm believer in "redeeming the time" so I try to keep busy doingthings that matter for the Kingdom. But after my little brain is worn out--usually around 7 pm--nothing beats a session of "Freecell."

Kathy: What's the last book you read and why?

Jim: Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr. Unfortunately, the only real reading for pleasure is on airline flights. The King book is research for a book I'm proposing as we approach the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act.
 

Kathy: What do you hope readers will gain by reading your book?

 

Jim: I wrote the first draft nine years ago, and even though I have a great agent, we just couldn't find a publisher. That was before cancer, family crisis, unemployment. . . . So it's a much more comforting, honest book. And it forced me to not be so flippant and casual about the serious issues people are dealing with. Henri Nouwen talks about "wounded healers." I think, because of the lemons that have piled up in my life, I can more compassionately offer comfort to those buried under a pile of lemons.

A Courageous Beauty Interview: Mrs. Oklahoma 2009-Rachel Benke Roberts

Angie: I'd like you to meet Rachel. She blows away the idea of fluffy dancer because she is a woman of substance!

Angie: What interested you in pageants?

Rachel: I participated in pageants for a little while in my early teen years but stopped because I began focusing more on dancing. I have always maintained an interest in pageants and as a dance teacher, I have coached many local, state and national level pageant contestants. When the opportunity presented itself to compete in Mrs. Oklahoma International, I jumped at it. I competed for the state title in 2007 and did not place, then came back in 2009 and unexpectedly won!

Angie: What is your platform?

Rachel: My platform is Postpartum Depression Awareness. I chose this issue because when I was diagnosed with PPD after the birth of my daughter in 2006, I had little to no understanding of this illness or my options for treatment. I was fortunate to have family members that noticed the symptoms and a doctor who was very knowledgeable on this subject. Most women do not have that support system. I want to educate women and their families on the symptoms of PPD and the treatment options. I also want to encourage women who are going through PPD to get help and to know they are not alone and should not be ashamed.

Angie: How do you build your platform and promote your work?

Rachel: I have been building connections to many local, state and national organizations who are already working on educating and helping women. These wonderful organizations have given me resources and materials to distribute in my area. I have also spoken and given presentations at conferences, support groups and family organizations. Sharing my story can be a difficult thing at times, but I look back and realize that my experience is a blessing in disguise. I believe God never gives us anything we cannot handle. I am so fortunate to be able to use my experience to help others.
In the works are some other ideas that I have had and am now able to implement. Creating awareness about PPD is my number one priority. I have begun to focus more on this but working with the Parent-Child Center of Tulsa to create a tangible gift to distribute to new mothers at local hospitals that has PPD symptoms listed on it as well as where to go for help. I am so excited about the project and the opportunity to reach so many more new mothers.

Angie: Why did you decide to compete?

Rachel: Pageants have always been an interest to me and once you are bitten by the pageant bug, it is difficult to not want to compete. The International system was an excellent fit for me because of all of the platform work. I love to volunteer and help others. I began trying to do this before I became involved in the International pageant system. When I asked organizations if I could make a presentation about PPD, some did not understand who I was or why I had an interest in sharing my story with them. I know that having a title helps me get my foot in the door to places that normally would not be as receptive.

Angie: Was/is competition scary?


Rachel: As a dancer and performer, I have learned to be comfortable on stage. This made competing in pageants a very easy thing for me. Of course I have butterflies sometimes, but I feel like they only help me do my best. If I ever stopped having butterflies, I would begin to get worried. I have also been taught that I only need to compete with myself. My focus should always be doing better than I did the time before. I do not have to be THE best, I only have to be MY best. Then I know I will walk away with no regrets.

Angie: What personal fear did you have to overcome?

Rachel: The biggest personal fear I had to overcome for the Mrs. International pageant was the fact that I am not a girly-girl. I had been told that the week of Mrs. International is very glamorous. I am SO not glamorous! I don't wear heals and curl my hair on a daily basis. I went into pageant week knowing that I wanted to stay true to who I was. I felt good about the way I presented myself the entire week and I actually had a great time dressing up and getting to see the "fashion show" that took place in the lobby at least twice a day. Every contestant had their own personal and unique style. EVERY contestant was beautiful in their own way. I really felt that we all knew that and respected that about each other. It was a very "girly" week for me, but in the end, I LOVED it!

Angie: What did you have to learn to compete?

Rachel: I really had to sit down and learn about myself. I wanted to make sure I always stayed true to who I was and what I believed. To prepare for the pageant, I focused on finding these answers. I can be an very indecisive person and I knew I needed to take a side on different subjects and ideas. This has not only helped me in the pageant world, but also in life.

Angie: Please tell us about a goal, why it's been a goal, and what it means to you?

Rachel: I competed in pageants in my early teen years. By the time I was old enough to compete in the Miss America and Miss USA systems, I was focused on other things. Once I began coaching students for these pageants, I realized how much I missed the opportunity to compete as well. I knew that I wanted to compete and win at the state level and go on to represent my state in a national or international pageant. I competed in 2007 for my state title and did not place. I had a wonderful time and knew I wanted to be Mrs. OK Intl. I took 2008 off from the pageant to focus on getting into better shape and really working on my platform. The time paid off because I went back in 2009 and to my surprise, I won! I could not believe it! This is what I have always wanted to do and competing at nationals was the icing on the cake! My experience in Chicago was one of the best in my life. I was nervous going into it because I was scared of what the other contestants would be like. I was so wrong to be scared! It was wonderful being around so many beautiful ladies and knowing we were all there because we wanted to make a difference. This year has been an experience I will never forget.

Angie: Who do you most want to emulate?

Rachel: There are so many people I want to be like. I guess I have taken bits and pieces of people I have met, read about, or seen and emulated them. What is more important to me is to have a kind and loving heart. I want to be a genuine person who respects others and who is responsible and trustworthy. I think everyone is their own person, and the best thing we can all do is set an example. One act of kindness can inspire another person to change and be kind to others as well... kind of like a huge ripple effect.

Angie: Do you have a mentor?

Rachel: I consider my parents to be my mentors. They are my best friends and both have given me so much advice in different areas over my lifetime. Being an only child forced me to become and stay close to my parents and I am so grateful for our relationship. I feel I can go to them for anything.

Angie: How do you handle the feelings of disappointment?

Rachel: Since I can remember, my favorite quote has been, "When God closes a door, He opens a window." My parents taught me this and it is what I live by. I believe everything happens for a reason, and when I become disappointed, I know there is a reason why things did not work out. Yes, I sometimes feel sad, but I know it was not meant to be. Sometimes overcoming the sadness is easier said than done. That is when I take a deep breath and move on. Another saying that I found and enjoy is: "God has three answers for our prayers... 1.Yes 2. Not Yet 3. I have something better in mind."

Angie: What kind of an education do you have?

Rachel: I have a Bachelor of Science in Entertainment Business from Oklahoma City University.

Angie: What is your "day job?"

Rachel: I am a mom, wife and dance instructor. I love all three of these roles for so many different reasons!

Angie: Do you have other creative talents you pursue?

Rachel: I love to dance and choreograph. Music is another passion for me. I love to listen to all styles, especially ones that I would not normally listen to. I also enjoy photography and elementary graphic design.

Angie: Do you think it is important for a person to look their best?

Rachel: Sure! I know I always feel better about myself when I look my best. Don't get me wrong, one of my favorite things to do is lounge in my PJs and no makeup at home, but I always have more confidence when I take the time to do my hair and put on some makeup. I don't think looking your best always means dressing up. Sometimes I feel I look my best in jeans and a top. I think "looking your best" is a very individual thing and it means different things to different people.

Angie: Would you share about your fashion favorites, flair, or a tip that makes you feel beautiful?

Rachel: I love being comfortable and cute. I am a jeans and a top kind of girl, however I have found a new love for getting dressed up once in a while. Besides that I really don't have any fashion advice... I am usually the one asking for the advice, not giving it. :)

Angie: What compliment do you receive most often?

Rachel: Probably my long eyelashes are what people compliment me on the most. I am so blessed to take after my mother in this area!

Angie: What are you most confident about?

Rachel: This is a difficult question for me because I never feel like I am 100% confident about myself. I think what I am consistently most confident about is the ability to make people feel good and comfortable in different situations. I try to always encourage others. Maybe this comes from being a dance teacher. :)

Angie: How did you earn that sense of confidence?

Rachel: Honestly, I don't know. My parents always encouraged me, which made me feel like I could do anything. I guess I try to pass that on to others.

Angie: What would you like to share with interview readers?

Rachel: I am so thankful for the opportunity to be Mrs. Oklahoma International and travel to Chicago to meet and spend time with so many amazing people. Not only were the contestants wonderful, but so was the International pageant staff, the other state directors and the production crew. Everyone had a part in making my experience the best it could be. Every single person touched me in a way that they will never know and I am so grateful for that!


Angie: Please include your web sites and charities web sites.
www.rachelrobertstulsa.com
www.postpartum.net
www.ppdsupport.org

Thank you so very much, Rachel, for championing the cause of PPD! And thank you for visiting with us today.

A Courageous Beauty Interview: Mrs. Maryland Galaxy 2009-LaQuisha Hall

Angie: Today we are going to meet a woman who seeks to reach women on some very intense issues. I admire her work very much and would like to invite you along on her journey. When I mentioned in previous posts that these queens are passionate about their purpose, LaQuisha is a perfect example. I hope this interview encourages and empowers you.

Introducing LaQuisha Hall, Mrs. Maryland Galaxy 2009.
How did you learn about pageants?

LaQuisha: I became very outraged being a non-pageant volunteer and witnessing people telling me that they did not need information on sexual abuse. After sharing with a friend that every person has either experienced sexual abuse or they know someone who has, she tried to help me come up with a way to make people stop and listen. She suggested pageantry and all I can say now is she was right! For some reason, people stop when they see a sparkly crown.

Angie: I agree. (Not only about pageants giving women a voice, but I call my crown a sparkly too :-) ) What is your platform?

LaQuisha: Specifically, my platform is Stop the Silence! Sexual Abuse Education & Support, which presents a two-pronged approach—educating the public about the realities of sexual abuse and supporting survivors through the recovery process. However, growing up in a violent home, I also advocate for victims of domestic violence, depression, suicide, low self-esteem, etc. A lot of issues encompass surviving a terrible crime like sexual abuse.

Angie: How do you build your platform and promote your work?

LaQuisha: I contacted several organizations that work on behalf of ending violence against women and requested volunteer work. No one has turned me down yet!

Angie:Why did you decide to compete?

LaQuisha: Again, my purpose in even attempting to win a pageant is use the celebrity of being a “queen” to inform people of the issues of sexual abuse. I was actively volunteering before pageantry, as a county titleholder and now as Mrs. Maryland Galaxy. If I never compete again, I will continue to spread this very important message.

Angie:Was this your first pageant?

LaQuisha:This was my second time competing in the Maryland Galaxy pageant system. Prior to winning this pageant, I also competed in the Christian International, Maryland United States and Maryland International system.

Angie: Was/is competition scary?

LaQuisha: I would say it is more nerve-wrecking than scary! There is so much preparation that goes into a pageant and all you can really think about is whether you have it all together! Leaving important items home that I needed for a pageant and tripping onstage are my biggest fears.

Angie: Oh I took care of that for you when I tripped on stage in the Mrs. International pageant. ;-) I do hear that a lot though, the fear of falling on stage. I have to say it isn't as bad as the fear of it is. What personal fear did you have to overcome?

LaQuisha: Pageantry was supposed to open the door to getting others to hear my message: sexual abuse is a worldwide, common and damaging issue. Thus far, I perceived pageantry to work. Not only have other queens been informed, but so has my community and (I pray soon) the world... I have talked about my experience as a survivor so much that I figured that was how people would think of and remember me... a survivor...

Well, not so. People heard me, but saw that I am very thin. I have shared that the sexual abuse almost caused my death, caused me to become depressed for many years, caused divisions in my family, caused me the genuine mother-daughter relationship I longed for throughout my life... I almost died because I blamed myself for something I could not control: a grown man and pastor, a member of my family. Now, it seems I am being blamed, again, for something I cannot control... However, I am not blaming myself... others are blaming me without knowing me. It seems that the only lasting memory I was able to leave in the minds of many “queens” in the pageant world was my weight. So now, I hate to wear a swimsuit on stage!
This fear truly disheartens me because queens are supposed to be sweet, beautiful public servants that little girls want to be like when they grow up. Who wants to be a like a grown woman who ridicules others about their size when young people are ridiculing each other every day?

Angie: This is exactly the kind of thing I like about you. That you are who YOU are and not someone else. We need to respect the person and not be fixated on body type. It's the deeds and healthy living, not the dress size that matters. What about your first competition, were you super confident?

LaQuisha: I was confident during the Mrs. Christian International pageant because I do not feel I was determined to win, but rather have a good experience. This was the first time I shared my story to an audience about my abuse. I was nervous about my impact as I could hear a pin drop in the room after finally admitting it. However, I was encouraged afterwards by how many people told me that I gave them strength by sharing my story. Oh, and I won the pageant!

Angie: Awesome! This is a theme that's emerging with the queens. Those who win tend to be more focused on enjoying themselves than on beating the other competitors. What did you have to learn to compete?

LaQuisha: I had to learn to be myself. I had to present myself to judges in a way that portrayed me. I also had to learn to ignore the women who put me down because they still needed to heal from something themselves.


Angie: You just hit on a crucial issue. We cannot internalize someone else's problem and perceive it to be our own. Tell us about what you have been able to do as Mrs. Maryland Galaxy 2009:

LaQuisha: Oh goodness, where do I begin? While the Galaxy pageant system is not a “platform” pageant, I have definitely been able to promote my platform. I have raised money for the cause of violence against women, spoken out to hundreds of people through all types of conferences and media. I also believe that I have empowered youth by being a role model to girls who have low self-esteem, showing them that they can be anything they want to be. I currently have a student in my English class who is also very thin. She came to me after getting to know me and asked me how I deal with people calling me “skinny”. I told her I don’t: I just uplift others so that maybe they can look past the “skinny” and see my heart. This encouraged her and now she dresses up more frequently and she is now a member of Queendom, the nonprofit I started to increase the self-esteem of teen girls. This example alone is a great achievement for me!



Angie: LaQuisha, you just warmed up my heart! Please tell us about a goal, why it's been a goal, and what it means to you?

LaQuisha: A realistic goal is spreading Queendom: Empowering the Lives of Young Ladies nationally. I am currently working with a few people who want to help with this goal. I started this group in 2008 and I have seen it transform the lives of teen girls. This is my way of helping young girls in a way that I feel I was not: receiving the advice and instruction of a motherly figure.

An unrealistic goal (because this subject is so taboo) is getting teal sexual abuse ribbons on merchandise in addition to pink breast cancer ribbons. I truly believe that it does not benefit a five year-old child to read about breast cancer statistics on their cereal box. However, if they are being touched inappropriately by an adult, seeing a phone number on a teal ribbon would.

Angie: Honestly, I don't think that is so unrealistic. Some work, but not unrealistic. Go LaQuisha! What do you still want to achieve?

LaQuisha: I am currently working on my PhD. I just want to finish it!

There's an idea in society that pageants are just skin deep. How would you answer that?

LaQuisha: Unfortunately, I would agree that many are. Even in pageants where platform is pushed, the winner is ridiculed if she is not the “most beautiful” woman on the stage. However, it is also true that there are many women who follow the heart and mind of God and will do whatever it takes to support their community, which in my opinion makes them beautiful in every possible way.

Angie: The media has given Americans the idea that pageant girls/women are not intelligent and accomplished. What kind of an education do you have?

LaQuisha: In 2003, I received an English/ Pre-Law degree from Elizabeth City State University in North Carolina. In 2006, I received a Master’s Degree in Secondary Education from Morgan State University in Maryland. I am currently working on a doctoral degree from Walden University in Teaching Leadership. So, hopefully by the time I am 30 years old, I will be referred to as Dr. Hall!

Angie: Do you have other creative talents you pursue?

LaQuisha: I write poetry, draw and I am currently working on a memoir.

Angie: Why is it important for a person to look their best?

LaQuisha: You are representing yourself, your family, your church and any other group you belong to: represent it well and feel good about yourself while doing so!

Angie: What do you hope to achieve with your title long term?

LaQuisha: I just truly want to make a difference in my community and help others heal from domestic and sexual violence. I also want to show the pageant world that you do not have to be a “perfect” size with a “perfect” platform to be a successful queen.

Angie: Would you share about your fashion favorites, flair, or a tip that makes you feel beautiful?

LaQuisha: I love Stella & Dot! I can add this classy jewelry to any simple outfit and feel that I have gone above and beyond fashion forward. Wearing the jewelry makes me feel even more beautiful because I sell it and donate all of my earnings to Queendom.

Angie: What are your plans after your title ends?

LaQuisha: I plan to continue supporting the various organizations that raise awareness of sexual and domestic violence. I will also accept the title of Mrs. Maryland Earth and compete next summer in the Mrs. Earth pageant.

Angie: Ooh, good luck. Please come back and let us know how the pageant comes out. What compliment do you receive most often?

LaQuisha: I receive many compliments about my clothes and how hard I work at my platform. What many may not know is that I work hard at advocating because the man who abused me was and still is still a pastor at a church in Fayetteville, North Carolina. My hope is that through my advocacy, if he has hurt anyone else, they will step forward.

Angie: I hope that you have given courage to those that need it! What are you most confident about?

LaQuisha: I am confident in God. I have been asked, “Since you were abused by clergy, has this changed or altered your view or relationship with God?”

My response to this question is that I have not lost confidence in God, but in some men who say they represent Him. I know without a doubt that God has a specially designed plan for my life and that He is and He will help me carry out that plan.

I am also confident that by promoting my cause through pageantry, I will make a difference. I have had some say that I need to change my platform to be more “judges” friendly or easier for the public to talk about with a beauty queen. I am confident because many have confirmed that I have helped them in some way, including pageant judges, who claimed that my story “touched” them in some way! If everyone is affected by this heinous crime, why can’t I talk about it with everyone?

Angie: How did you earn that sense of confidence?

LaQuisha: Honestly, I earned this confidence just by living life and staying in the Word of God. I realize that many may have other spiritual beliefs, but I personally know that if it was not for Jesus, my life would have ended in the year 2000 through my final suicide attempt.

Angie: You are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing so openly and with such courage. What would you like to share?

LaQuisha: For any queen reading this who has a Facebook account and has been negatively effected by Voy Board websites, I have created a group on Facebook called Positive Pageant People. This fan page, in which I carefully moderate, is a place where queens can make positive comments on what they observe of other queens. It has been very successful thus far with over 600 members and counting.

Recently, I have decided to make this group more interactive and personal. I am organizing a "Secret Queen" exchange.

The requirements are:
*A spending limit of $25.00
*Your name, pageant title (either past or present) and address
*Your gift purchased and mailed by December 5th

If you are interested, please join our group and message me (or you can email me at mrsmarylandgalaxy2009 [at] gmail.com) your name, mailing address (where your gift can be received--this information will not be sent to any other party other than LaQuisha Hall), 4 things you would like for Christmas and your favorite color by November 15th, 2009.

Once I receive your interest, I will send you the address where your gift should be mailed. I, LaQuisha Hall, will personally mail your gift to the recipient. Queens from any state or pageant system are welcome to participate!

Angie: I thought this was a fun and interesting opportunity, so I joined. I get to learn about a new friend in this exchange program. I'm interested in your other ideas too. What other creative ideas do you have to build connection between these women in public service?

LaQuisha: To further encourage positivity and camaraderie among queens, in January 2010 I will organize a Secret Summer Queen Exchange. During the month of January, queens will send in their interest. They will then be matched with a secret royal pen pal.

During the months of February through May, queens will send one encouraging letter a month. The queens will reveal themselves in June with a picture, final encouraging note and a small crown/queen gift. This will hopefully encourage queens while they are competing in state pageants and preparing for nationals. Ultimately, this will give them something better to read than voy boards!

Finally, remember that you don't have to wear a crown to be a queen... A true queen is woman who leads, encourages, supports and uplifts others. You don't have to wear a swimsuit to do that! I challenge every true "QUEEN" to do or say something positive about someone else today!

Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse
http://www.stopcsa.org/

Queendom: Empowering the Lives of Young Ladies
http://queendomtea.com/

TurnAround, Inc.
http://www.turnaroundinc.org/

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
http://www.rainn.org/

Dreamcatchers for Abused Children
http://dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com/

The Black Doll Affair
http://www.blackdollaffair.com/

Sisters 4 Sisters, Inc.
http://www.sisters4sisters.com/

My Blog
http://laquishahall.blogspot.com/

Angie: LaQuisha, I am so honored you visited with us today. Count me in on the next exchange project too! Thank you!

A Courageous Beauties Interview:Mrs. Colorado International 2009-Michelle Fields

Introducing my friend, Michelle Fields, Mrs. Colorado International 2009. She's a rock solid woman with an unusual platform for a beauty queen. I'd never met a woman out promoting Boy Scouts. But I immediately loved it, being a mom of 3 sons myself. I think our culture has been very difficult for our sons and love that there is a woman out in our world building the men up of the next generation and helping to teach them character, perseverance, and community service to God and country.

Angie: How did you learn about pageants?

Michelle: I actually competed in pageants in high school. I was originally invited by a recommendation letter from my school. At some point in my adult life I caught a broadcast of the Mrs. America Pageant when it was in Hawaii. When I decided to try again in pageants, I Googled Mrs. Colorado and was sent to their website.

Angie: What is your platform?

Michelle: My platform is simply Boy Scouts of America. I am married to an Eagle Scout, have 3 out my 4 children active in Scouting and am myself a Scouter (adult volunteer) as a Den Leader and Merit Badge Counselor. I do actually take the uniform off at night.



Angie: How do you build your platform and promote your work?

Michelle: I personally give about 3-4 hours per week in volunteer hours to Boy Scouts. I have been active this past year with our local Council and have worked alongside the Marketing Director for many events including the Boy Scout Show.




Angie: Why did you decide to compete?

Michelle: After the birth of my fourth child, I was very out of shape. Over the next four years, I worked hard to get back into shape by eating healthy and exercising. After all that work, I wondered what to do next. I had competed in bodybuilding competitions and pageants in my early adult life. Then I realized I still had a dream to win a crown. I also believe that it was important to set goals and achieve them by overcoming obstacles as a role model for my children. That was when I called the director to compete.

Angie: Was this your first pageant?

Michelle: The Mrs. International Pageant was actually my fifth pageant total. I did two as a teen and three as an adult. I actually won my fourth pageant or second as an adult. I competed in three different systems total.

Angie: Was/is competition scary?

Michelle: Scary isn’t the emotion it evokes for me. I feel exhilaration and at the same time I can feel intimidated. I can place high value on what the judges think of me or I can let that part go and just do my best. The one pageant where I didn’t care what the judges thought of me I won. I think that for me, I can psyche myself out easily. That is more “scary” to me than what others think.

Angie: What personal fear did you have to overcome?

Michelle: Competing at the Mrs. International pageant would require being able to answer a question on stage in 30 seconds or less. That one possible event scared me so much that I actually prayed that if I wasn’t going to win that I wouldn’t make top 10 so I wouldn’t have to do that. So, in reality, I don’t think I did overcome it, which is probably a reason why I didn’t do as well at Nationals. I was so scared of the onstage question. I did get a chance to practice on stage, so that helped me not be as afraid.

Angie: What about your first competition, were you super confident?

Michelle: Oh, yes! And each time I came out realizing that I couldn’t be successful on my own. That is when I would contact a coach.

Angie: What did you have to learn to compete?

Michelle: A coach was so helpful in articulating what I knew in my heart. Each time I worked with a coach, they would help me better define who I am, what my goals are and what I have to offer as a title holder. That was the biggest thing to learn.

Angie: Tell us about what you have been able to do as Mrs. Colorado International 2009:

Michelle: As Mrs. Colorado International, I have made over 50 appearances. That was one of my biggest goals when I won the crown. I have also been part of the Colorado Royalty Association. This is a huge group of title holders who come together to support various charities and to support one another. I have also had the joy of working with queens from other systems and the sense of accomplishment that comes from working together toward a common goal.

Angie: Please tell us about a goal, why it's been a goal, and what it means to you?

Michelle: My latest goal is to become an aerobics instructor. Since my first Jazzercise class in high school, I have wanted to help others achieve their fitness goals. My chosen class is Turbo-Kick. This would mean so much to me to be able to give back to my community this way.

Angie: What do you still want to achieve?

Michelle: My latest project is a stress management and coping strategies curriculum called “Just Breath”. After Mrs. International, I experienced mild depression. When I talked about it with other pageant contestants, many of them experienced what I have since found out to be called Post Competition Depression. It is very real and common in the sporting world, I have not seen it acknowledged in the Pageant world yet. I would like to see it addressed. I also thought about what age should a person learn to deal with stress and I really think Middle School is a good time to learn this. Statistics prove that people who have good stress management are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. So I am currently working on how to get this curriculum in the local Middle Schools as a supplement to their Health Classes.

Angie: There's an idea in society that pageants are just skin deep. How would you answer that?

Michelle: I would say to take a closer look at what today’s “beauty queens” are achieving. Even the pageants that aren’t platform based are encouraging their queens to use the crown to promote their cause. I would love to know how many hours a year all the queens put together donate back to their communities. I am sure the number would be in the millions.

Angie: Ooh, Michelle, I love that question. Beauty queens, if you are reading this, please post how many hours a year you've been working in your community! I have to think about that and look back at my day timer, but I'll put it in the comments later. The media has given Americans the idea that pageant girls/women are not intelligent and accomplished. What kind of an education do you have?

Michelle: I have a BA degree in Speech/Communications from Penn State University that I have used in teaching a variety of classes over the years. I have countless hours of continuing education on top of that. I believe it is so important to keep learning.

Angie: What is your "day job?"

Michelle: Besides being a homemaker to my husband and four children, I am also a bookkeeper for both my mom and husband. My mother owns an auto shop while my husband and I own, along with my father-in-law, a kitchen and bath remodeling franchise called Kitchen Tune-Up. I am blessed to work mostly from home.


Angie: Do you have other creative talents you pursue?

Michelle: I love to sing and have sung in choirs and groups since I was three. Up until recently, I was involved in my churches praise band as well as one of the leaders for our youth praise band. Unfortunately, our church shut its doors permanently in August. We have been searching for a new church home since.

Angie: Do you think it is important for a person to look their best?

Michelle: Whether or not we like it, we are all judged by how we look. With that said, I believe it is important to look our best. When I am going out, I tend to dress in a business like manner. I confess that I am primarily a jeans and t-shirt girl since I work from home. I even worked in my pj’s once just so I could say I did it. It was fun, but I don’t recommend it.

Angie: Would you share about your fashion favorites, flair, or a tip that makes you feel beautiful?

Michelle: I love to dress up since I spend so much time dressed down. My personal style when I do dress nicely is fitted sheath dresses and skirts. Nothing makes me feel more beautiful than to see a smile or sparkle in my husband’s eye when he sees me.

Angie: What are your plans now after your title has ended?

Michelle: My plans are to continue helping the Colorado International Pageant program expand and grow; to promote my “Just Breath” program to Middle Schools around the state and across the nation; and to get my Turbo Kick instructor certificate. Will I compete again in pageants? We’ll see…

Angie: What compliment do you receive most often?

Michelle: I am complimented on my eyes the most. That means a lot to me since I do believe they are “the window to the soul”.


Angie: What are you most confident about and how did you earn that sense of confidence?

Michelle: I am most confident in who I am. I can honestly attribute that to my parents. I never doubted when I was growing up, that my parents loved me unconditionally. That has translated into understanding God’s unconditional love for me. No matter what crown I wear, I am proudest to be a daughter of the one true King.

Angie: What would you like to share?

Michelle: I believe that you are never too old to achieve your dreams and that as a parent it is important to be that role model to your children. I believe that by my going after my goals in life I am showing my own children how to achieve goals they have set in their lives and how to overcome obstacles. I am actually seeing the fruit of this through my two oldest children who are not following the typical path society would place on them for success in their careers. I am so proud of them. If I can do it, anyone can.

http://michelle-field.blogspot.com/

A Courageous Beauty: Mrs. Utah International 2009-Michele Weeks

Angie: Michele and I met at the Mrs. International 2009 pageant and competed with and against each other. I enjoyed her very much and am so happy to bring her interview to you today. Let's hop right in :-)

How did you learn about various pageants?

Michele: When I was young. I participated in the Miss Maryland America program. I learned about the Mrs. Pageant through the internet.

Angie: What is your platform?

Michele:The “The Art of Being Grateful”. So many people have been able to take a piece of this talk and apply it into their lives. The subject is worth sharing, in our world of constant demands on us; we can easily find ourselves depleted and unthankful. I've had an opportunity to speak to numerous groups on “The Art of Being Grateful” throughout this wonderful state. By breaking down the word GRATEFUL: G-Grateful, R-Rock and Role, A- Attitude…. I’ve been able to share my story and other inspirational stories on overcoming adversities in our lives. I have given my speech to different religious organizations, social groups, and have been ask to be the Keynote Speaker for the Heart Association’s Go Red Luncheon. I have scheduled interviews with channel 2 and 13 where I'll be discussing Utah's number one cause of death, heart disease, and the ways to combat it.

Angie: How did you build your platform and promote your work?

Michele: I know that from personal challenges I suffered in the past as a struggling teen, and in to early adulthood, with bouts of low self-esteem and depression that I can now share and make a difference. It is from these personal difficulties in my own life, and being able to overcome them, that created my desire to help. I wanted hard facts and started to do doing some research on how many people in this area suffers from depression. The numbers are twice the national average, so I decided to take an active role and give people some working tools in helping them find contentment. I wove a short speech together that has all the elements of finding a way for absolutely everyone to be GRATEFUL. I have broken the word down into 8 subheadings; G-Grateful, R- Rock and Roll, A- Attitude, T- Tenacity to Successes, E -Exercise, F -Family Fun, U- The U factor, L -Love, Laugh and Live. It is from this premise that I share my story and hope I inspire others to overcome adversity and depression, seeking a renewed desire to find their own self-worth and personal greatness.

Angie: Why did you decide to compete?

Michele: After I had my 2 children I moved to Utah. I wanted to be more involved in my community. I wanted to meet other women with similar interests (public awareness and involvement.) Women who were passionate about their community. I just had my second son and needed reasons to spend time on myself. I reconnected and discovered what made me uniquely me.

Angie: I think that's a quest every woman should go on. Was this your first pageant?

Michele: No. my first pageant was when I was 16. Junior Miss

Angie: Was/is competition scary?

Michele: Yes and No. I set goals for myself and I am scared I will not reach my goals. My Goal is not always to win.

Angie: What personal fear did you have to overcome?

Michele: The disappointment at the end of the pageant was one. My biggest fear is not fulfilling my soul purpose. I have traveled to or 35 countries and have been involved in numerous international humanitarian projects. I truly enjoyed every moment I experienced overseas. I have been very active in pulling this community together despite religious difference with my speech “Love thy Neighbor.” I am active with the Heart Association and teach individuals the “Art of Being Grateful.” I have been a spokes person for the Orton Dyslexic society and have helped raise awareness about programs available for individuals who suffer from dyslexia.

I love raising my 2 children and enjoy seeing them grow and discover new things. My biggest fear is that I will pass away before I complete my soul purpose. I am still searching for truly why I am here on earth. I just hope when I meet my maker, he will say good job and give me peace in my heart.

Angie: What about your first competition, were you super confident?

Michele: No not at all. Every pageant I entered I walked away with a new knowledge of things I had to work on. Finding out what I think about a situation or how to walk or even a better way to do my hair and make up. Over the years I have become more confident in the way I look and who I am.

Angie: What did you have to learn to compete?

Michele: How to walk. How to show the judges who I am in a short amount of time. And that we are all equals, the judges are my equal, the other contestents are my equal even the people running the pageant are my equal. I will win only if they are looking for someone like myself for the crown.

Angie: Tell us about what you have been able to do as Mrs. Utah International 2009:

Michele:Wow so much. What a great experience. Being Mrs. Utah International truly has given me the chance to help they community to be more Grateful. Please check out my website at MicheleWeeks.net

Angie: What do you still want to achieve?

Michele: I have worked as a local news report, assistant lobbyist, an actress in New York, and now a full time Mom (which I love). My Dream job would be to become a motivational public speaker helping others enjoy this adventure called life. There are many topics I would love to speak on: "The Art of Being Grateful", "Finding your Soul Purpose", and " Is it Really One World Under God?"

Not only would my dream job include speaking to others, but also listening to people. I truly believe we are here on earth to connect with each other and help each other on this Adventure Called Life. I have not given up on my dream of getting "What's America Up To" produced and help people feel more in control of this government.

Angie: There's an idea in society that pageants are just skin deep. How would you answer that?

Michele: They have never been in a pageant. I remember one pageant I asked a fellow contestant why she entered the pageant. Her answer was “I entered the pageant to show my 10 year daughter to get involved because you want to without the fear of winning or making the team, but just because it is something you have always wanted to try."

Another young lady entered because she was shy and wanted to push her self out of her comfort zone. If she could walk on stage in a swimsuit, talking to a new friend would seem like a peace of cake. May be the people who think pageants are just skin deep and not taking the time to get to know the contestants.

Angie: The media has given Americans the idea that pageant girls/women are not intelligent and accomplished. What kind of an education do you have?

Michele: I have a BA in Communications from Towson University. I was nationally ranked in College Debate and Public Speaking. I have traveled to over 35 countries and have done numerous community service projects overseas.

Angie: Do you have other creative talents you pursue?

Michele: I love public speaking and raising community awareness. I have a program I would love to get produced call "What’s America Up to!” this program is designed to educate the average American what the government is doing and how to be an active member of society with out spending to much time out of their day. I love coming up with new ideas for companies and truly love problem solving.

Angie: Why is it important for a person to look their best?

Michele: I don’t think a person has to look their best all the time. Many times I go out of the house without any makeup. I think it is important for a person to be healthy and exercise and eat right so they can live a long healthy life. I like the challenge to see if I can get my 40 + body to look better then I looked when I was 20. I think it is important for a person to be comfortable with who they are so that they can get the respect they deserve and if that means you feel you have to look your best all the time, then do it.

Angie: What do you hope to achieve with your title long term?

Michele: Bring awareness to how truly blessed we are. Change people's point of view to being more grateful and less needy. To embrace our lives and learn how to be happy.

Angie: Would you share about your fashion favorites, flair, or a tip that makes you feel beautiful?

Michele: When I am eating right and exercising, I feel beautiful. When I am helping others find joy in their lives, I feel beautiful. Plus I love wearing Hats. Hats can cover up bad hair days and adds joy in my life.

Angie: I love that you love wearing hats. I don't look good in them and wish I did. :-) What are your plans after your title ends?

Michele: My title has ended. I plan to raise my kids to be smart, active members of society. I hope to have a strong loving marriage. I want to continue to speak about the Art of Being Grateful and help the American Heart Association develop more awareness about preventive measures to prevent heart disease. I have a company I want to form and 2 short books I want to write. I am teaching skiing to children this fall at Snow Bird and will continue to do my part time acting career.

Angie: What compliment do you receive most often?

Michele: I am very real and easy to be around. People feel like they can be open with me and I find that to be the best compliment of all.



Angie: What are you most confident about?

Michele: Who I am and what I believe. I love learning about other religions and cultures. I am confident enough to have an open mind and listen to another person's perspective. Life is a long journey of learning and revelation where we fit in this world. I am happy with who I am and eager to learn more.

Angie: How did you earn that sense of confidence?

Michele: Soul searching. I spent most of my teens and early 20’s depressed. But I stop playing the victim and took responsibility for my life and its direction. I started to work hard to become the person I knew I was. And working hard at parts of my life that I knew was not my true authentic self. I became happy with who I was, and after I recognized my great gifts that I had to offer the world, I began to recognize other people's gifts. Instead of feeling threatened or jealous of what my friends had, I rejoiced in their talents and blessings. I know I have more life lessons to work on but I am confident I am where I need to be today. I am equal with my fellow man not better not worse. Not more important or less important then my neighbor. . . I now value my unique gifts I can offer in this world and hope everyone finds their own unique gifts that make them who they are. From this place my quiet confidences grew.

Angie: Wow, you are an inspiration. Thank you so much.

An interview with the author of Rain Dance, Joy DeKok

Angie: Oh my goodness, I am thrilled to present this interview between me (Angie) and Joy DeKok, author of Rain Dance. She is definitely a Courageous Beauty! Remember I'll be doing a month long interview series starting Nov. 1st with women who are Courageous Beauties, not because of their title, but because of the contribution to society and some amazing stories of overcoming obstacles to gain confidence. Joy shares her struggle with a devastating issue and how to shines in the victory of infertility. Please enjoy!



Angie: Where did you get the idea to tackle both infertility and abortion in the same book?
http://www.raindancebook.com

Joy: The idea came to me in a rush while cleaning house - complete with both characters and circumstances intact. It was like the old song - love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage - this novel would be imcomplete without them both.

Angie: How do you feel women's friendships affect women's mental health?

Joy: Girlfriends are essential to our mental health. My most trusted friends know me inside out and love me anyway. We don't have to agree and in fact have found our differences strengthen our relationships. They also keep me honest - they know when I'm faking it and call me on it - gently. You know how it is - you meet for coffee or lunch and everyone asks, "How are you?" In that slightly higher voice you say, "Great. How are you?" The women at the table who know me best, raise their eyebrows and I know we're going to get to the heart of my issue very soon. I love that about them!

Angie: Who do you admire career-wise? and why?

Joy: My publisher, Joan Shoup. She is taking brave risks to publish books she believes in with all her heart. Every step she takes is one of faith and based on integrity. She's also smart and funny.

Angie: Why do you feel women are driven to make choices like a child or a career?

Joy: Sadly, when the focus is that success equals things and that it must come early in life, women who are driven to succed feel they must choose. Whatever doesn't fit the plan, has to go. I wonder how it might be if we taught the women in our circles of influence they can design their own blueprint for their lives - define success their way - if they'd make different choices. Society says this is what they're telling them, but it's not. If you want to be a lawyer, doctor, news anchor, or even a writer, you're told this is the mold - fit into it or you lose.

The truth is, there are a lot of women out there throwing out the old mold and finding ways to be mothers and impact the world in their chosen careers as well. These are not Enjoli women - these are women who have combined their passions and define success not only by a paycheck, but by a level of personal satisfaction that meets their personal standards and often includes unplanned motherhood.

Angie: Why do women experience depression after abortion?

Joy: I'm not an expert, however I can tell you what friends have told me. Deep in their hearts they knew they were ending far more than a "problem" and were removing more than a blob of tissue. This knowledge and the actual procedure, plus hormonal changes, has a natural result: depression. Here the combination of the mental, physical, emotional, and for some spiritual crisis leads the whole woman into a deep-seated depresson. Some also suggest the fact they are encouraged not to grieve their decision contribute to their depression.

Angie: What are the symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome?
It's very similar to Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome. Sydna Moss explains it in detail here. http://postabortionsyndrome.org/, Please see Synda's website.

Angie: Where can a woman go if she is experiencing depression due to Post Abortive Syndrome?

Joy: An excellent resource for women is Healing Hearts International. This organization has women all over the world ready to counsel other post-abortive women. http://www.healinghearts.org/index.php

Sydna Moss has an excellent book on the topic - Her Choice to Heal is published by Cook and available online for $9.99. That's a start.

Some local crisis pregnancy centers also provide support for these precious women - however it's difficult for them to go "public" so the above resources might be the best place to start.

Angie: Where can a woman go who is experiencing depression due to infertility?

Joy: There is an online magazine called Stepping Stones that is one option. http://www.bethany.org/step

Jennifer Saake also wrote a wonderful book on the topic: http://www.hannahshopebook.com/

The truth is, pastors and counselors need to read these books and they need to talk to people like me - old enough to have healed from most of the hurts although I confess, the sting of being no one's grandma hit home recently and I realized as with all of life's "chronic" conditions, this is one of the hurts that keeps on giving. If there's a woman (say in her 40s or 50s) you know who has experienced infertility, ask her is she is willing to talk to younger women about their journey. Or, they can email me at joydekok@pitel.net. I encourage professional counseling, but also contact with someone who has walked the path.

Angie: What are some good responses when people are inconsiderate about infertility issues?

Joy: It took me a long to have the courage to say the following things. . .
For example when told I wasn't given children because God knew I'd be a bad mother, I learned to say, "Do you really believe that?" They would say, "Well, yes, don't you?" This was my opportunity to ask gently if they knew any woman who was sinless and still conceived. I kept my voice gentle and quiet - no sarcasam - I knew the answer and when asked - so did they. While I wish I could say it always ended pleasantly - it didn't. But, most of the time, an apology was given to me and accepted with a hug.

When asked if I have a family, I'm quick to introduce my husband to them if he's there. If not, I say, "I am the wife of Jon and auntie to dozens." Some pursue and want to know about my children. Because they asked, I answer, "I was unable to have children, but have the great joy of delighting in our nieces, nephews, and the children of our friends."

Then, I'm quick to ask about them because they are suddenly uncomfortable. When I can switch the conversation back to them, we're good. Later, after they've digested my life circumstance, we can talk about it more.

Angie: What are common mistakes people make/say to women experiencing infertility?

Joy: "Practice makes perfect." Not always and this cliched answer is a regular for couples desiring children. If someone is brave enough to admit they want children and have not been successful, this answer as well as Bible verses, don't help and in fact damage the hearts so willing to trust you with their secret. A better response is, "How can I pray for you?" or "If you ever just want to talk, please call me."

Then, just let them talk. They don't want you to fix them or their situtation - they just need to talk. By listening and nodding you validate them. Generally, we've also heard all the Bible verses about this and we don't need to hear them taken out of context again. Just listen - with your whole heart.

Be gracious if as you share labor and delivery stories we leave the room and join the guys. We understand the importance of you sharing these "war" stories, however, we will always be bystanders in these often long conversations.

Don't assume adoption is God's call for every couple. Know that the couples in your life may have attemtped adoption and have experienced the implosion of a mother who at the last moment changes her mind. We are afraid to tell these things, because if we do, and things go the other way, we're in for a barrage of more advice we simply don't need. We may also not adopt in direct obedience to God. We are intune to His calling on our lives - we know what He wants for us and we are doing our best to obey.

Angie: Could you offer some advice to people who may not understand how to offer compassion to a woman who is infertile?

Joy; Most people have the opposite problem - they are able to have children and worry about unplanned conceptions. Infertility for some reason, scares people. It can also make them uncomfortable when they do become pregnant - they often feel guilty for being so blessed. Please try to understand - we don't want you to not be pregnant because we aren't. We celebrate your pregnancy even as it stings our hearts. We don't want your child - to be honest, until we decide on adoption we only want our own.

Infertile couples are in an extremely tender place. I beg anyone who knows someone in this situation, your acceptance is so needed. Your TLC may bring tears - they are grieving the death of a dream they were sure was vital to their lives. These dreams die hard. Let us hold your babies, but don't expect us to be nursery workers.

Trust us to pray for your children and even be friends with your children - we are not competitors for their hearts - we support you and respect you. When you have lunch with us, we want to hear about your children, but we also want to know how you are as women . . . how are you and Jesus doing? You and your man? We enjoy children and their impact in our lives - let us talk about them now and then. My friends listen to my current Grace and Connor stories - it's their way of including me in their journey as mothers and grandmothers - I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this!

You might notice in my responses, I'm protective of both post-abortive women and women who cannot have children of their own. In my 20's walking this path alone, I was devestated. In my 50's I'm determined to love and nuture these women - sort of be their unofficial "auntie" the way Corrie Ten Boom was to the world at large.

I've only hinted at this in other interivews, but this morning while cleaning house, I sensed God calling me to put aside the novel I've been working on and begin part two of Jonica and Stacie's story - their journey into mid-life. It's called Sun Dance. Like Rain Dance, the girls are talking and this part of the journey is ready to be written. It is time. I will begin very soon.

Angie: I am delighted to have had the opportunity to interview Joy today. If you'd like a copy of her book, Rain Dance, please visit here.

http://www.raindancebook.com

Author Bio: Joy and her husband Jon live on 35 acres of woods and fields. They enjoy exploring their land either on foot or riding their John Deere Gator. Joy is the author of five published books, speaks nationally, and is an author coach. (www.gettingitwrite.net) A few of Joy's favorite things include: dinners out and long talks with her husband, snuggling with their dogs, Sophie & Tucker, reading all kinds of books, lunch with friends, and hot coffee.