Second Chance In Love

Hi,
Today is a special day. It's our 15th Anniversary! Wow! We both are a little stunned at how fast time passed. Our combined family is grown now and we have four grandchildren, all under four!

When I wrote A Healing Heart, I didn't necessarily have second chance at love as a theme. I focused on workaholism and trust issues. But when a reader mentioned it, "So many "love stories" seem to be written about first time love--A Healing Heart captures the beauty of a second chance for love when God is in control."  (click the link for the full review) I did the hand slap on my forehead.

Of course!  It made perfect sense because God blessed me, a single mom of four, with a second chance at love.

Breidenbach Family Wedding Photo. Yep, we combined into a family of eight!

With all these personalities, our household has been very energetic and interesting from the start! Sibling rivalry, settling into comfortable family positions, and learning to understand people from different backgrounds were just some of our challenges. (My daughter wanted to sit on my lap too. I didn't think about that when I wore an entirely pearl covered dress. I still love this picture! It's so, well, us.)

Mara Keegan in A Healing Heart has three teens. When Mike and I married, three of our children were already teens. They ranged from six to fourteen. Second chance love with children was something I knew firsthand and could write about. Kids and a dating relationship? Let me tell you, it's a challenge. Especially with the numbers we juggled. But a challenge I'm glad we chose to take on even though there's a lot more than two in the relationship!

Fifteen years. Wow! Now we stay connected with a Sunday night family dinners. Mike and I really enjoy the empy-nester phase. (Shh, don't tell all the kids.) We've often looked at one another and smiled at the stunning quiet around us. And then someone shows up with a baby to watch or several kids stop in with various dogs and we're right back in the familiar menagerie.

But the one thing I love most is that we took the second chance at love. It's been exponentially multiplied by more than two ever since.

Is there a second chance in love? I think so.

Do you know anyone with a successful second chance marriage?
What do you think helps them succeed?

What Do You and Your Husband Have in Common?

Please welcome my guest blogger, Poppy Smith.

Poppy Smith inspires women to grow spiritually, emotionally, and personally through her inspirational Bible teaching and books. To know more or invite Poppy to speak, visit her at: www.poppysmith.com

 

 Here's Poppy:
The advertisement for a marriage seminar caught my eye. It asked the question, “What do you and your husband have in common?” An anonymous woman had scrawled across it in red ink, “We were married on the same day!”

I burst out laughing. But early on in my marriage, I probably would have burst into tears.

My American husband, Jim, and I met in Nairobi, Kenya. I was twenty, lonely, on the rebound from a broken relationship, and had no family in the country. My parents had returned to England because my father’s tour of duty with the Royal Air Force had ended. Instead of going back to England with them, I decided to stay.

Shortly after that I met Jim. He strode into the small, English church I had attended since becoming a believer three years earlier, and all my female senses went crazy: Who is this man? Is he single? Is he passing through town or is he going to be here for a while? How do I get to meet him? Well over six feet, dressed in a tan, tropical suit, Jim’s physical appeal oozed out of him. The fact that he pulled out a small Bible and joined in the singing only heightened my determination to find out who he was.

Two years later we married in the same church. Arriving in America six weeks after the wedding, Jim began a rigorous five year surgical training program. When I did see him, he was exhausted. Sleeping and studying filled what little time he spent at home. When we talked, we clashed. Issues we’d never seen as potential problems tore at our relationship: different backgrounds, opposite perspectives, and incompatible personalities. Neither of us knew how to respond to the pain we both felt.

In my early twenties, unhappily married and with no family or friends to turn to, I wanted out. My dream of living an exciting adventure as a newlywed in my adopted country had become a nightmare. I was more lonely and miserable than ever.

Crisis Point
After several years of constant blaming and fault-finding, ping-ponging between frustration, rage, and depression, I came to the end of myself. I was emotionally exhausted. Instead of my incessant pleading with God to change Jim, the Holy Spirit impressed on me “Poppy, look at yourself.”

What I saw wasn’t pretty. But it was the best thing I could have done. My attitudes were not loving or kind. I was not patient. And I allowed my negative thoughts to influence my mood which produced my less than godly reactions and words.

Moved by the Holy Spirit, I sobbed “Lord, please change me. I have become someone I never wanted to be—bitter, angry, sarcastic, and hurtful. I need You to touch my mind, my moods, and my mouth if I am to ever become the woman You want me to be”.

Did this miraculous transformation happen overnight? Did God wave a magic wand, suddenly turning me into a sweet, submissive wife who never disagreed with her husband ever again? Nope. In fact, the inner transformation I needed is still going on decades after that crisis point. But change has happened.

How about you? What does God want to change in you and your marriage? He will go to work when you invite Him to keep working in your heart, attitudes, and actions (Phil. 1:6).

For practical helps to understanding yourself and your husband, check out Poppy's newest book, Why Can’t HE Be More Like ME? is available at Amazon.com and all booksellers.

What's It Like To Be Married To Me? by Linda Dillow

Book Review: Also, I'll choose a winner on Friday of this book and send it out. Post a comment. Make sure I have a way to contact you :-)

Best –selling author Linda Dillow offers up a challenge to Christian women everywhere. Asking honest and real questions such as:  

What’s really important to me?
What does it feel like to be my husband?
What’s it like to make love with me?
Am I willing to change my attitude?
Why do I want to stay mad at him?


A book every married woman should own, mark up, and reread. Loved the practical advice and the direct actions I can take as a married woman to improve my marriage. What's It Like To Be Married To Me? gave me a sense of empowerment, not failure. I started to understand those things I had not been taught. Becoming a godly wife is not simple. It's a journey. But having Linda Dillow's book helps that journey become an easier trek. I loved page 181where Natalie asks God if she can leave her husband. I think so many of us go through difficult marriages and then want to give up. But what if we do what Natalie did when she heard God say, "But I wonder, Natalie, if you'd be willing to stay and see what I will do?"

I think it's hard to be married. I think it's harder to be married in this time because the definition of marriage is changing and it doesn't seem to matter anymore. But it does. And we all instinctively know it does. Broken marriages cause broken hearts in the people, their children, and extended family. Those broken hearts wear that pain for their lifetime. Are you close to a broken marriage? Would you read just one more book? If you have nothing to lose, then why not? What if a little thing changed from reading this book? Would that give you hope to try one more? A bunch of little things strung together create huge change when you look back. Come on, give it a try. You just might have a different choice to make than you thought originally. You might be choosing a second honeymoon.
~Angie


-  www.ChristianBook.com

-  www.FamilyChristian.com



About the book:
Women everywhere wonder if there is more to marriage than what they have. Best-Selling author Linda Dillow, helps women shape their marriage by design rather than letting circumstances shape it by default. What's It Like to Be Married to Me? And Other Dangerous Questions, is a book about knowing the difference between having a desire for a better marriage and setting the goal of having a better marriage—as women look in the mirror to see how they can change. Extremely intimate and honest, Dillow shares the best and worst things she has done in her nearly fifty years of marriage, guides women to make their own Marriage Purpose Statement, and leads them into God’s heart for what their marriage could be.

About the author:
Linda Dillow is no stranger to publishing and adventure. She's the author of Creative Counterpart, Calm My Anxious Heart, The Blessings Book, Satisfy My Thirsty Soul, and co-author of the Best-Selling book Intimate Issues. Linda and her husband Jody lived in Europe and Asia for 17 years training Christian leaders in closed countries with Biblical Education by Extension, during this time, Linda traveled extensively in Romania, Russia, Hungary, Poland and Asia. She taught women and helped them launch women's ministries. She is a mother of four children, as well as a grandmother.

A Courageous Beauty Interview: Sasha Townsend-Mrs. Tulsa America 2010

Angie: Today I have the distinct pleasure of interviewing Sasha Townsend: Mrs. Tulsa America 2010. She'll be competing soon for Mrs. Oklahoma America 2010 and then on to Mrs. America. She has some unusual interests that prove today's beauty queens are not the silly, self-centered creatures on the inane commercials lately. Each courageous beauty I meet proves how deeply they desire to make a difference in their communities and the world around them. After over 30 interviews so far, I have lost track of the thousands of volunteer hours worked by these stunning women as they gently orchestrate a better world for our children. Let's get to the interview: 

Angie: What is it that you believe so deeply in that you push hard to make it happen?

Sasha: I'm working to support families and address divorce.

Angie: Why do you feel it's important?

Sasha: I've lived it. My parents divorced when I was 13.

Angie: You are using pageants to help you build a platform. Which have you been involved with?

Sasha: Mrs. Oklahoma International 2008, Miss Seminole County FL 2001 MOA, Miss Adirondack International Speedway 2004 MOA. I also competed as a child in Miss Florida American Teen (CoEd. Title.)

Angie: What’s your degree?

Sasha: I have a BS in Psychology, masters in math, master’s in applied math.

Angie: How old are you?

Sasha: 28 in April.

Angie: How did you achieve all that at your age?

Sasha: I was pretty driven.

Angie: Why do you work so hard, why are you so driven?

Sasha: I’m just passionate about what I do. I set goals and plans and I want to achieve them now. I like breaking stereotypes. I like being a beauty queen mathematician. I just really like understanding how things work. I want to know the truth and help others to know the truth too. 

Angie: Why math?

Sasha: When you focus on solving a problem, focus on others, your focus is not on yourself, then self-confidence is not an issue. If you can ask, “What’s the solution here?” Who cares about what people are thinking of you if you are solving a problem. Put your energy into solving problems instead of thinking about yourself.

Angie: What motivates you?

Sasha: Banana Split program (helps children with divorce in NY), I brought it to the YMCA.

           

Angie: So you brought it in?

Sasha: Not at first. I was told, "you don’t have the credentials to do something like that. Maybe the interns who have degrees in family and child services can bring in that program, it’s really not your place." But I couldn’t work with these kids every day and do nothing!

I had knowledge and the license to run that program but my director wouldn’t let me. That’s when I started trying to use pageant titles to get programs for children of divorce and pushed to finish my education. I was an undergrad in psychology at the time.

Angie: What have you been able to do with your platform?

Sasha: I teach PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program.) The “Forever For Real Program” in Oklahoma. I also work for Blended Love, a nonprofit serving children of divorce in Tulsa. It’s my responsibility to help the nonprofit achieve its mission and meet its financial objectives.

Angie: Would you teach us some here?

Sasha: Absolutely!

The 4 communication signs that lead to divorce:

Escalation- go back and forth negatively, building in volume or raising the stakes or threats.

Invalidation- putting down the thoughts, opinions, feelings of your partner. Examples are cursing and calling names, subtle by “that was something obvious you should have known.” Calling the other person selfish- “Oh we can’t be selfish with our time, now can we?” Labeling the other person with a negative by assuming something you couldn’t possibly know about their motives.

Negative Interpretation- Interpreting someone’s words or actions more negatively than they actually are. If someone is five minutes late, you can assume they are doing it on purpose and have no respect for you or you can assume they are stuck in traffic.

Avoidance and Withdrawal-  is the unwillingness to get into an important conversation (avoidance) or the unwillingness to stay in an important conversation (withdrawal).

If the conflict is escalating, that’s when you take a time out. You have to come up with a strategy to handle the issue in a healthy way. You can’t possibly handle the issue in a healthy way when you are angry and upset.

Healthy couples learn to exit all 4 danger signs, stopping the unproductive conversation to cool down and regroup, when any of them occur.

Angie: How does a couple strategize?

Sasha: The first tool we teach is the speaker/listener technique. It’s often unnatural and uncomfortable. But natural and comfortable isn’t working so couples use this to talk in a safe way.

Angie: Speaker/listener technique?

Sasha: Yes, it allows you to understand each other and validate each other’s point of view.

We give the participants a magnet and we call it “the floor.” The speaker holds the “floor” and gets to speak. The other person listens and then paraphrases what they heard. Then they do this 3 or 4 times. The speaker can only speak for themselves. Mind reading or use of words like always or never are not allowed. The speaker just shares his or her thoughts and feelings. The listener is encouraged to screen out their own thoughts, to put themselves in the speaker’s shoes, and to remain from rebutting. Then the speaker gives the floor to the other person, and the roles switch.

It’s important to note that speaker-listener is about understanding each other’s viewpoint, and it isn’t about solving problems. There is another section of the curriculum entirely that deals with problem solving.

Angie: The Oklahoma marriage initiative offers workshops?

Sasha: Yes. Oklahoma Marriage Initiative offers free workshops led by trained volunteers. On the first day of class, I come in and teach the four danger signs, time out, and the speaker listener technique. We have couples practice with topics that don’t have much emotional punch. As the weeks go on, the couples practice with harder topics. In addition to the conflict-resolution model, we also discuss fun, friendship, personality, sensuality & sexuality, forgiveness, and commitment among other subjects. Our workshops are usually twelve hours long. We meet with the couples for two hours once a week for six weeks.

Angie: Who attends these workshops?

Sasha: Any engaged, married couples that want to learn to communicate better. Lots of counselors will refer couples. OMI also offers workshops and retreats for singles, couples in stepfamilies, new parents, and other special populations. Individuals can register online at www.ForeverForReal.com.

Angie: What are the results?

Sasha: Speaker-listener is one of the best techniques we teach. Couples say they feel like they can really use it, and they do use it. It really levels the playing field in couple communication. Speaker-listener is especially helpful for couples that include one that can argue and win, but that leaves the other one losing. That’s really a lose-lose. Speaker-listener takes the competition out of the argument. You agree to use the technique together, to consider each other’s feelings, and act as a team. Deeper emotions are revealed because you tend to take more time to articulate your feelings more carefully.

Angie: Back to you. What else have you learned about confidence and yourself?

Sasha: My grandmother told me I was no better than anybody else, I was just as good. You are valuable, but so is everyone else. You are free to be yourself, to be confident. You can allow others to be who they are and offer that and appreciate the diversity of God’s creation.

When you go into a pageant, some say you have to go in with confidence and win. Other people say to have no expectations. As a teen starting out in pageants, I wondered “Am I supposed to be confident or humble?” I’d see women that would say, “Do what ever you have to do to fix me,” in the same room with other women that are so full of themselves, bragging about all their titles. I really wondered, how can you possibly be confident and humble at the same time? 

Because of grandma’s words, I realized that each person has something to offer that others don’t. We become more a team. We need each other. We recognize others’ strengths as well as our own. We complement each other in ways that allow us to accomplish so much more together than we can alone. We appreciate what we have in each other. We can use compliments as genuine appreciation for someone.             

Angie: How do you handle negative feedback?

Sasha: I look at the facts. Is the person defensive? Sometimes we strike a nerve in a place a person needs change. It’s not about condemning, but building up. I used to focus on it a lot, I used to say, “how can I manage this and make it different?” Now I accept it for what it is. This is their opinion and I must have struck a nerve. It must be hard to be, for example, a single mom or a divorced parent. I try to phrase it in a way that shows I care. I try to make what I say and do constructive and not attacking or accusatory.


If someone has something negative to say, we can take it personally and get defensive, or we can dismiss it, or we decide if what they say has some element of truth to it. If there is an element of truth and there often is, I try to learn from my critics to become more effective.

Angie: Thank you so much for being with us today! Please come back and visit again and let us know how you are doing in the competitions.

Love & War by John and Staci Eldredge

Angie's Take: Perfect for Valentine's Day, a book that helps us find the marriage we've all dreamed of and didn't know the concepts of how. The intriguing thing for me is that my daughters-in-law have both read Captivating and I haven't yet. But they shared it and it's now on my kitchen counter waiting patiently in line :-)

Meanwhile, I now have this book by the Eldredge duo to share with them! The beauty in the work by this couple is that it will help solidify the marriages of my children. Generationally, we can change the curse of divorce by teaching our children that to stay married takes intentionality. We don't just get married in a gossamer gown and then live happily ever after. The action of love is the continual personal and couple growth, not just the chemistry. So yes, I'll be sharing Love & War with my daughters-in-law because I want them to be able to teach my grandchildren the work of love.

Summary:  

What the Eldredge bestsellers Wild at Heart did for men, and Captivating did for women, LOVE & WAR will do for married couples everywhere. John and Stasi Eldredge have contributed the quintessential works on Christian spirituality through the experience of men and the experience of women and now they turn their focus to the incredible dynamic between those two forces.

With refreshing openness that will grab readers from the first page, the Eldredges candidly discuss their own marriage and the insights they’ve gained from the challenges they faced. Each talks independently to the reader about what they’ve learned, giving their guidance personal immediacy and a balance between the male and female perspectives that has been absent from all previous books on this topic.   They begin LOVE & WAR with an obvious but necessary acknowledgement:  Marriage is fabulously hard.  They advise that the sooner we get the shame and confusion off our backs, the sooner we'll find our way through.

LOVE & WAR shows couples how to fight for their love and happiness, calling men and women to step into the great adventure God has waiting for them together. Walking alongside John and Stasi Eldredge, every couple can discover how their individual journeys are growing into a story of meaning much greater than anything they could do or be on their own.

Cover art:

Get your copy here.

Thanks for providing me this book for review, WaterBrook Multnomah

Blue Like Play Dough by Tricia Goyer

Well this book is timely for me even though my children are all grown. I still have the push and pull of work and family life. I still have those days when I feel, as Tricia puts it, smooshed. My play dough was definitely smooshed today. I didn't even catch on to the date on the calendar until after bedtime! The computer has a financial gremlin messing with both my assistant's brain and mine, the internet couldn't stay up more than a few minutes at a time, and my to-do list just lengthened and stretched...like someone rolled out my play dough with a rolling pin!

Then I sat down to review Blue Like Play Dough thinking my post was for, um, tomorrow the 27th. Happily reading and connecting, I loved the comparison to being the lump in the palm of God's hand. Then I realized that today was the 27th and my review was late!

Sigh. I am Blue like play dough. So glad I have some more pages to turn in a book that has already caught me in its grip.
Thanks, Tricia :-)
Angie

Summary:

In the everyday stretch and squeeze of motherhood, Tricia Goyer often feels smooshed by the demands of life. In Blue Like Play Dough, she shares her unlikely journey from rebellious, pregnant teen to busy wife and mom with big dreams of her own. As her story unfolds, Tricia realizes that God has more in store for her than she has ever imagined possible.

Sure, life is messy and beset by doubts. But God keeps showing up in the most unlikely places–in a bowl of carrot soup, the umpteenth reading of Goodnight Moon, a woe-is me teen drama, or play dough in the hands of a child.

In Tricia’s transparent account, you’ll find understanding, laughter, and strength for your own story. And in the daily push and pull, you’ll learn to recognizes the loving hands of God at work in your life… and know He has something beautiful in mind.



Author Bio:

Tricia Goyer is the author of numerous works of fiction and nonfiction, including Generation NeXt Parenting and the Gold Medallion finalist Life Interrupted. Goyer writes for publications such as Today’s Christian Woman and Focus on the Family, speaks to women’s groups nationwide and has been a presenter at the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) national convention. She and her husband, John, live with their family in Montana.

Triple Valentine's Day Ideas

This Valentines Day say “I Do” to Love a Way of Life

Book: Love as a Way of Life Devotional

Author: Dr. Gary Chapman

Summary: In his book Love As a Way of Life, best-selling author Gary Chapman shows readers how to cultivate a new lifestyle built around the seven characteristics of authentic love. Now in a companion devotional, he provides ninety inspirational readings to help Christians consistently live out the characteristics of love in every relationship.

Each devotional entry showcases biblical truths that guide a life of love, offering fresh insight and practical guidance in how to make love a lasting habit. Over the course of three months, readers will learn to follow God’s lead as they practice the characteristics of a loving person: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honesty.

The Love As a Way of Life Devotional makes an ideal gift for the holidays or for any special occasion. Couples, parents, new graduates, and anyone celebrating a milestone in life will welcome this inspiring daily guide to richer, more satisfying relationships.

Angie's Take: I love Gary Chapman's mentoring any way I can get it. I've seen an improvement in the relationships with my family every time I learn something from him. Put it into a devotional and connect me to God's word with it (well after all, He is the creator of relationships!) and you send me off into the "zone." I love it! Now I can see how and where Gary Chapman connects God's authority of relationship into practical life teaching. I love the short breath prayers and the action items.

Book: I Do Again

Authors: Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs

Summary: With their professional success and adorable twin daughters, Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs looked like the perfect couple. But their polished facade concealed a widening chasm between two people unable to connect on an intimate, soul-deep level.

After years of frustration, Cheryl’s desire for emotional fulfillment led to an affair and, finally, divorce. Yet, incredibly, seven years later, Jeff and Cheryl once again stood at the altar, promising to “love, honor, and cherish” one another. A new and vibrant love had risen out of the ashes of this family’s pain.

I Do Again details the fascinating real-life story of a couple whose relationship seemed shattered beyond all hope until a spiritual awakening led them to reconsider their definitions of “happily ever after.” A riveting account of the power of prayer and redemption, this remarkable book offers renewed hope for even the most troubled marriages—and reveals why the rewards of restoration are well worth the wait.

Angie's Take: We need people to do what this couple did and say, "Oops, I messed up but it is possible to fix it." If you are in a situation where you wish you could have, this is the book for you.

Book: For Couples Only Box Set

Authors: Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn

Summary: Since their debut, these revolutionary guides have sold well over a million copies, been translated into fifteen languages, and sparked much fascinating water-cooler conversation around the country. Now together in the For Couples Only boxed set, these books provide the perfect resource to help you understand what you never knew about the woman or man in your life.

Each volume is based on input from more than a thousand members of the opposite sex—including an unprecedented nationwide survey and hundreds of personal interviews. This innovative approach yields candid and surprising answers about everything you don’t “get” about your significant other—even what that person deeply wishes you knew. It also produces simple but groundbreaking awareness of how you can best love and support the one who is most important to you. [Part of me wanted to make this paragraph past tense—yielded and produced—because of the first paragraph, but that took away some of the immediacy of what the books offer. I’ll leave that up to you.]

So whether you are newly dating or have been married fifty years, get ready to know each other in a whole new way. The adventure is just beginning!

Angie's Take: Wise message and easy to read style is always appreciated in the Feldhahn's writing. But none of this is taken lightly. It's based on hard work and scientific method.

So how do you get these wonderful books full of wise and helpful advice?
Amazon Links:

I Do Again: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1400074452

Love As A Way Of Life Devo: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0307444694

For Couples Only: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1601422482

Intimate Issues

Intimate Issues answers the twenty-one questions about sex most frequently asked by Christian wives, as determined by a nationwide poll of over one thousand women. Written from the perspective of two mature Christian wives and Bible teachers–women who you’ll come to know as teachers and friends–Intimate Issues is biblical and informative: sometimes humorous, other times practical, but always honest. Through its solid teaching warm testimonials, scriptural insights, and experts’ advice, you’ll find resolution for your questions and fears, surprising insights about God’s perspective on sex, and a variety of practical and creative ideas for enhancing your physical relationship with the husband you love.

With warmth and wisdom, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus speak woman to woman: examining the teachings of Scripture, exposing the lies of the world, and offering real hope that every woman’s marriage relationship can become all it was intended to be in God’s design.



- www.Amazon.com



- www.ChristianBook.com



- www.FamilyChristian.com

Angie's Take: I love, love, love this honest and straight forward book about the beauty of marital relationship through sexual intimacy. I couldn't put it down for hours. There are not only answers to questions that are satisfying, but also some amazing tips on how to have a satisfying relationship with your husband. Don't miss the romantic suggestion sure to make your hubby, well, happy :-) I also really appreciate the authors gentle candor on hurts and problems that women experience. Another thing I really like about Intimate Issues is that I found it easy to have conversations with other women (younger too) about healthy sexual intimacy in marriage. Great book for a Bible study group, a weekend away with your daughter prior to her marriage or even entering her womanhood or for yourself. A tool I wish I'd had many, many years ago.

FIREPROOF the movie-a review

Talk about a sold out crowd! One of our local businesses pre-purchased 1,000 tickets for the weekend. The ticket sales went so well that the theater chose to hold over the movie for another week! Obviously a successful showing. But what drew the crowd? Why did this movie sell out several shows way in advance?

FIREPROOF surprised me. Not because it was a good movie, I'd heard that from several people. But because it melded real life relatable issues with tons of humor. Honestly, I had no inkling that it would be so full of humor. I had a great time!

We laughed through the whole thing. Sometimes a giggle, others a knowing smile and then, uh huh, outright guffaws at the differences of men and women, the funny happenings in male relationships and how we speak different languages while speaking English to one another.

Twice, I felt heart-pounding tension. (Can't tell you where or I'll spoil it.)

A few times I noticed stilted acting in both verbal and physical ways. But the story and humor was so good it was easy to overlook. I noticed a couple of things that the director could have easily corrected. Distance and timing. The actors playing husbands and wives stand or sit too far apart-that's what I mean by distance.

Why does this matter? Because in real life relationships, people who are intimate and familiar with one another are not afraid of each other's space. It distracted me a few times, but almost immediately, an awesome moment of levity drew me right back in with laughter.

Timing: The camera stays about one second too long, too often, on the actors. The natural flow of the film would draw us through with a higher paced tension without the pregnant pauses. One scene that has great timing is the conversations that the men are having at the same time as the women. You'll understand when you see it. It's really very well done. I'd like to see the director aware of that snappy timing in every scene.

All that said, I'd see this movie again!

Why?

The story. Absolutely the story!

I loved Mr. Rudolph. And watch for Mrs. Rudolph's perfect one-liner. That timing is impeccable. It takes a line we've all said and uses it exactly at the right time. The entire audience hooted!

I also loved the scenes at the fire station. The rookie adds so much fun in how the other guys continue to initiate him into the life of a fireman. It's totally what men do. (Having 3 sons and a hubby and 3 brothers...having been in youth ministry with teens...having worked in a male dominated HVAC field...it's so what guys do.)

There is a good message throughout the movie. It's good because it shows some of the most common problems we face in marriage these days. It's good because we can laugh, roll our eyes as we recognize ourselves--or our spouses, lol, and connect to these characters doing, saying, feeling what we feel.

One other thing, I love that people outside of Hollywood are taking the chance to live and create a dream. I love that it's people being creative together and touching our entire country by NOT following the way it's always done. It's encouraging to follow your own dream by making your own path when examples like FIREPROOF happen. It reminds me of my favorite quote from George Bernard Shaw. "You see things and say, Why? But I dream things that never were and say, Why Not?"

Is it perfect, no. But is it worth seeing? Yes. Go!

A great story, great effort, and a successful project done on a small budget.

I really hope these folks continue their creativity and teamwork. I wonder how long it will take before the media "get" what draws a crowd. I really wonder.

For more info you can go to the website or blog.

Enjoy!
Angie

FireProof the Movie

Here's an update on the special showing of FireProof here in Missoula on Oct 24-26th.

I get to give away 2 tickets to see the movie courtesy of the Garden of Readin'! So how do you win? Easy, listen to www.fresh1045.com Thursday morning between 8:40a.m. and 9 a.m. and be the first caller as soon as we announce it.

The movie will be shown Friday/Saturday/Sunday at 1, 4, 7, & 10 p.m.

There are plenty of seats left on each of the 10 p.m. showings and several others, they are getting low (and some are sold out) on tickets at the Garden of Readin' so hurry up and get yours.

"Fireproof" is a movie produced by the same Christian production company that produced "Facing the Giants". It's a movie for adults -- not children-- as it deals with the sensitive issue of pornography and it's effect on the marriage of the movies leading characters. But the movie shows how, with God's help, the couple is able to save and heal their marriage. I love the line I heard on the trailer about being a hero to your wife first. I can't wait to see that scene!

The movie will be shown in Missoula for 3 days only (Oct. 24-26), and is being brought in by the special arrangementof Garden of Readin' Christian Book Store. They pre-purchased 1000 tickets in order to bring this movie to Missoula.

Tickets are available at Garden of Readin', or you can go to
http://www.gardenofreadn.com/modules/store/Fireproof-Carmike-10_P50584C221.cfm for all the show times and to buy your tickets online.

Not sure?

Check out the trailer: FireProof the movie

Here's a very cool link: www.fireproofmymarriage.com

I'm excited to be going! In fact, we are taking a bunch of friends and family. I'll let you know what I think :-)

Angie

Keeping His Pants on...Until He Gets Home by Joyce S. Oglesby

FOR WOMEN OF ALL AGES IN MARRIAGES OF ALL STAGES


(Corydon, IN) -- Pastor's wife, Joyce S. Oglesby, felt inspired to write a relationship book out of a heavy heart for couples doomed for divorce without some sort of intervention. Her small town of Corydon, IN is buzzing about the controversial cover and title. Written similarly to the 1970s classic, Total Woman, Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home equips women to affair-proof their marriages. Maintaining a passionate love in marriage has become more urgent than ever before. The demands on today's woman can distract her from fulfilling her husband's sexual needs. Losing focus of this vital responsibility has many women facing the maladies of matrimony. Joyce says, "You're either too tired, too stressed, too fat, too flat-chested, too mad, too sad, too depressed, too dirty, too clean, too selfish, or it's just too much trouble. All this can add up to too little too late!" Her warning is that husbands can soon become distracted, leading to some form of an outside physical or emotional affair, pornography, or other avenues of release. The book talks about the dangers of boredom and staleness, and how passionless relationships leave couples unfulfilled, and makes husbands prime targets for temptation.

In Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home, wives learn why and how to preserve intimacy in their marriages, so they don't have to worry about where their husband's pants land when they come off. They'll be at the feet of their adoring wives, not at the bed of "the other woman."

Book Info:
Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home
Author: Joyce S. Oglesby
Order at http://www.joyceoglesby.com
ACW Press
ISBN 978-1934668-00-9
Retail: $24.95

About the Author

Joyce Oglesby was born in South Georgia, the oldest daughter of a struggling tobacco farmer. She worked the farm alongside six brothers and a sister where her deep-rooted work ethic was born. Her tumultuous childhood proved a valuable teacher to Joyce, defining important standards and insightful wisdom with regard to life and love. She wears many hats: wife of 35 years to minister Webster Oglesby, mother, and court reporter/business owner for 30 years. They're blessed with two daughters and grandchildren. Joyce's passion is directed to women's issues. Her many speaking topics include: "Beyond This Point," "Getting Past the Past," "Choices, Consequences and Contentment," "Knowing the Hands that Touch You," "The Gift of Caregiving," "The Sacrificial Gift," "Women of Excellence," "Balancing the Scales of Mary v. Martha," among others. See: http://www.joyceoglesby.com.


Top 10 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

1. Lose your inhibitions
2. Be creative and spontaneous
3. Be available for quick intimate moments
4. Don't compare
5. Praise him
6. Be available for intimacy especially during times of adversity.
7. Don't stop caring
8. Look as good as you can!
9. Don't keep score
10. Keep your mouth shut about your sex life.

Remember When and Why

Before you marry, take time to undertake this small task:

Make a list in rank and order of what you love the most about your future husband. Think back to what you were first attracted to and fast forward to today. After the wedding, place this list in a private place for you to refer to often. The list will be a great reminder of his attributes you love the most. This list will be a great motivator and will serve as a sedative at times as well, to spur you on to placin' a lovin' on your man. These are the reasons you chose him as a lifetime mate. You certainly want the world to know you made a wise choice.


Joyce Oglesby Interview Questions and Answers:

Why did you see the need to write this book?

The institution of marriage and family unit as we traditionally know it is in serious trouble! My husband and I have dealt with the maladies of matrimony throughout our ministry and I have dealt with it in my career as a court reporter, as well. Label the disruption of marriage anything you want--infidelity, finances, compulsive sexual behavior, irreconcilable differences--when you plow through the rubbish, the original source of the problem almost always begins with an intimate power failure in the relationship. What better place to begin targeting this critical situation than with the woman in the home, who, in most cases, is the mover-and-shaker and creator of harmony--the barometer of the home.

Why chose such a provocative cover and title?

Why not? Ninety-five percent of the success of any book is its title and cover. If it's not catchy, people won't give it a second look. I was adamant that this cover and title be used because I'm convinced it will attract a market that would have otherwise passed it up on the bookshelves. My goal is to reach a broader audience--especially the ones that need it most.

How does the book help families affair-proof their marriages?

Within the book are 10 commonsense, back-to-basics principles that remind us of what we, as women, already know, but they're good to revisit from a different perspective. What "Pants" also brings to light is the URGENCY of its message, because NO MARRIAGE is immune to difficulty and/or staleness. This process of revitalizing our marriages is constant. We can ill-afford to let our guard down, today more than ever before. Each of the principles can stand alone. If you incorporate even one in your marriage, it enhances your relationship. But, like building blocks, if you keep adding more principles, at your own pace, then you begin to experience a richness and depth that carries you through the lean times of marriage--and we all have them.

Can you give our listeners some practical tips that are found in the book?

Certainly. The foundational concept is the obvious--commitment. You have to get up EVERY day and affirm your commitment to your husband. Your attitude is crucial, because you think your way into a mindset of love; from the emotional to the physical act, as well. If you think you don't have a sexy bone in your body, chances are you're right. So, change the way you think about yourself. We'll go through some practical applications of grooming yourself for intimacy, such as how you train him, praise him, protect him, perform for him, and others. The end result is something that benefits, empowers and fulfills you as you secure your marriage for a lifetime of love.

What do you think of these so-called "emotional affairs" that are happening today? Are they dangerous to marriages and how do they creep up on people when they least expect them? How can people prevent them?

"Emotional" affairs, such as office friendships, Internet relationships, things of this nature are extremely dangerous to a marriage. It takes our focus off of our spouses. All of a sudden, we find that we're opening our hearts to others and believe they're listening more intently than our spouses. They're saying things we like to hear. Before we know it, our spouses say all the wrong things; the other person says all the right things. We're deceived into thinking "the grass is greener." We become vulnerable to temptation. At a weak moment (and the opportunity will typically arise) the hook is set and we're caught by temptation. Some good ways to prevent this sort of thing from happening is 1) to incorporate one of the principles in the book. For instance, protect your spouse. Don't talk negative about him; if you can't find something good to say, don't go there at all, and 2) always speak of this friend's family and spouse in a positive, affirming way. It's a reminder to both of you that you're married, and you have boundaries.

Some may find it odd for a 55-year-old pastor's wife to be offering sexual intimacy advice. Why do you think you are the expert in this, and why should others listen to what you have to say?

Growing up in a home devoid of love, I wasn't really sure what a "real" marriage should consist of, but I entered marriage with some very definite ideas about what I didn't want. The principles in the book have been born from the process of developing a marriage designed to keep love in place. I didn't set out to be an "expert advisor," on marriage. My husband and I have been in the spotlight over the years because we shared a healthy relationship, and women came to me wanting to know my secrets. The tips in "Pants" have not only worked in my marriage, but they have proven to work for others. Women who truly wanted to work on their relationships with their husbands incorporated one or more of the principles and love the results. So, it's something that I know has worked in my marriage, but it has also worked in the lives of others.

Contrary to popular opinion, pastors are just as at risk for temptations to draw them away from marriage intimacy as any other man. What are some things you and your husband have incorporated into your relationship to guard yourselves from these attacks and ramp up the intimacy level of your marriage?

I believe our strong devotion to each other has been our biggest defense. Also, our public display of our devotion has kept temptation at bay. When you speak about your spouse in positive ways, when you are affectionate with each other, a kiss, a hug, (within reason, of course)--it's a terrific defense. There's that expression of "we're really in love," In restaurants, especially, we're still labeled as "honeymooners" and that's a pretty cool feeling.

Pornography is at an all-time high due to the immediate availability and privacy of Internet porn. How can couples prevent this temptation from happening, and if it is already an addiction, how can a person overcome it?

Wow! What a relevant issue! America ranks 4th in the world in porno revenue, a 13.3 billion dollar industry, and the stats change daily! I can't begin to tell you how infiltrated our homes--our CHRISTIAN homes--are with this horrific addiction. My heart has broken over close friends, ministers, long-time Christian marriages, men in their 20s to men in their 70s and everything in between, who have compromised their families and careers due to their addiction to porn. It's become epidemic!

One recommendation I would make is for women to be AWARE, and not bury their heads in the sand that this is a REAL issue in our homes today. It is too accessible! Watch your husbands; watch your kids. Watch for signs. If they're alarmed when you walk in the room and they're on the computer, insist on seeing what they were looking at. Hit the refresh key! Address the issue. Don't let it get out of hand.

If it is out of hand, FACE THE ISSUE HEAD ON! Don't walk away from the problem; thinking it will go away. These images only get embedded deeper and deeper into their psyche. Talk to someone who's been addicted; it's a fast hook! And once hooked, it's like breaking free from drugs, or even cigarette; you have withdrawals, and you always want it again--the desire rarely subsides. Your addict may need professional help, but don't ignore it. Get help fast, and make sure you connect with a counselor who treats the addiction as something inherently hazardous to your marriage--because it is!

What do you see as the role of the wife in 2008? The husband? This seems to be a balanced viewpoint, but how do you refute these ideas and concepts to those who believe this is old-fashioned? To those who believe it isn't conservative enough?

I'm very much a 21st century woman. I've been a business owner for years, and have a much more rigid, harried and unpredictable schedule than my husband. In fact, he does most of the cooking, and is quite good at it, I might add! The demands are great on both parties in a marriage; two-career families are the norm rather than the exception. Both must accept responsibilities within the home for kids, upkeep of the home, meals, and errands. But when it comes to leadership within the home, the most ideal plan is still for the man to be the spiritual leader, the woman to be submissive. This concept of submission is often misconstrued, and I believe it's because of the suppression that women have faced throughout the ages within every culture. While it's become somewhat relaxed, and often challenged, the concept is still prevalent w/in most cultures.

What men seem to miss in this idea of submission is they are called to "love their wives as Christ loved the church." If you can ever get the husband to understand this simple command--it's not an option--the wife willingly submits, or is happy to relinquish, perhaps more up-to-date terminology, control of the reins. The concept then becomes one of "you are more important than I am," and an attitude of harmony pervades in the home.

Why write the book for wives and not focus on the husband's role in marital intimacy?

I wrote the first book for women because we typically are the sacrificial party in a marriage. While there are exceptions to every rule, generally speaking we're mothers. We lay aside our interests and sacrifice for the families. True, we are seeing generations of women who are more focused on themselves and aren't as eager to give up the "self" within them, but for the most part, once we bear children, we put on a different cloak. We are typically the mover-and-shakers, the motivators, and designers of creativity within the home. We set the pace for harmony, even in difficult marriages. Our children look to us for the "mood" of our home life, as often do our husbands. So, writing the first book for wives then seems completely natural. But husbands, your time is coming, in book two!

Wedding photos for those who missed it.

The really happy groom:-D


Here is my oldest with me moments before his vows.


The exchange of rings! Doesn't she look beautiful in a white Sleeping Beauty styled dress?



And moments after he took his vows! Wow, it was such a gorgeous ceremony.



This in my pretty daughter as a bridesmaid. I think she was surprised at how many people thought she was so beautiful!



Check out this cool idea! The bride's mom is just so creative. She saw this on T.V. years ago and recreated it. Both the bride and the groom had photos of them growing up tucked in between criss-crossed ribbons. No holes or tape in the photos. Loved this idea! I had a hard time helping with the decorating for the reception because I was reliving my son's life!




How would you like to have an ice cream cake for your wedding? It's kept cold with dry ice inside a plexiglass box. You take it off 15 minutes or so before cutting the cake.

This lovely confection was made by Cold Stone Ice Cream Company. It sits on a plastic rack above the dry ice.



Well, 2 sons married and only one kiddo left at home. Holy Cow! Life moves so quickly. I am loving every breath, every moment, every chance to make this life great! The kids had sparklers for the guests as they ran to the car. Life is kind of like that too. It takes a second to get started, blazes hot and sparkles, and then sputters out. I'm glad that after the sputter, I have something even better to look forward to with Christ in Heaven. I don't think I could handle this roller coaster life without knowing there's a terrific prize at the end!

Thanks for sharing a moment of my happiness today,
Angie

He's Married!

This is my oldest son and my new daughter-in-law at the rehearsal dinner. The wedding was so beautiful yesterday!

She had the neatest idea of an informal jeans and pizza party for the rehearsal dinner. So to make it a little more special, we ordered gourmet pizza from the McKenzie River Pizza Co. (a special Montana chain.)

Then I made the couple's favorite dessert-Strawberry Short Cake. They are huge fans of it. So we made it up HUGE :-)

If you'd like the recipe that we tossed together to make this waterfall confection, check the next post. I'll put a picture up with the simple instructions on how to create your own fun & simple dessert that's both casual & elegant.

Angie

The Pearl Cafe

Here's those photos I promised yesterday :-)



Our 10th anniversary dinner with friends who were married the day before us! Parties don't have to be big to be fun. In fact, we all lost track of time. We waltzed in at 7:30p.m. and were all stunned when it was already 10p.m!

Lucious Tomato Bisque


Dinner was Filet with Port and Roquefort

Oh my gosh! It was so scrumptious. I felt like I could cut the steak with a butter knife. Oh wait, I did! I also swiped my hubbies little, tiny fried onions that were on top of his Smoked Bison Tenderloin with Huckleberry-Zinfandel Sauce. Yummy!

Dessert? Of course!


We traded the camera back and forth for a shot of our Lemon Chiffon with Huckleberry Filling topped with a Marzipan Dome. And the technical name is Princess Cake. The special order is so well worth it! Life would be so dull without this amazing, succulent decadence. (Oh, and you get to pick the cake and filling flavors...)



So there you have it, a place to eat in Montana, an update on what to do for your anniversary (go to dinner with people married the same length of time as you), and design your own special cake! A great night out on the town.
I love The Pearl Cafe' & Bakery!

Angie

Generation NeXt Marriage by Tricia Goyer

Book Description


Do you still find yourself humming the love songs of the 80s and 90s?

Do you still believe that every marriage should be between soul mates?

But -- do you wonder how you can succeed at love and marriage when the generation you grew up in didn't?

Marriage isn't what it used to be-it can be better than ever.

If you are a Gen Xer, your marriage has challenges and potentials that no other generation has known. A Gen Xer herself, Tricia Goyer offers realistic help to achieve the God-honoring marriage you long for. She includes:

·Ways to protect your marriage despite the broken relationships modeled in your youth

·Stories, suggestions, and confessions from fellow Gen Xers facing the "What now?" question of real-life marriage

·Advice from the ultimate marriage survival guide: the Bible

·Stats, quizzes, sidebars, and study questions related to this "relationally challenged" time in history

·Practical helps for negotiating kids, work, sex, money, and dirty laundry-sometimes all in the same evening

If you are part of a generation of adults who don't want to bow to their culture or live and love like their parents did -- this book is for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tricia's Bio
Tricia Goyer is the author of twelve books including From Dust and Ashes, My Life UnScripted, and the children's book, 10 Minutes to Showtime. She won Historical Novel of the Year in 2005 and 2006 from ACFW, and was honored with the Writer of the Year award from Mt. Hermon Writer's Conference in 2003. Tricia's book Life Interrupted was a finalist for the Gold Medallion in 2005. In addition to her novels, Tricia writes non-fiction books and magazine articles for publications like Today's Christian Woman and Focus on the Family. Tricia is a regular speaker at conventions and conferences, and has been a workshop presenter at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Conventions. She and her family make their home in the mountains of Montana.

Book excerpt:

Buy the book.

Tricia's website: triciagoyer.com

Bonus information:

Five unique marriage challenges faced by Gen Xers and how to tackle them!

1. Gen Xers saw more divorces than successful marriages. The divorce rate doubled between 1965-1977 and Gen Xers were the victims. 40% of us spent time in a single-family home before age 16. We grew up in families with step-moms and half-siblings and living every other weekend with a different parent and faced the loneliness and alienation of our splintered families. As married adults, Gen Xers can meet their spouse's need by speaking encouraging words, which are like gold stars to a Gen Xer's heart -- and by never using the D-word. As author Madeleine L'Engle once said, "There are a lot of marriages today that break up just at the point where they could mature and deepen."

2. Without role models, many GenXers turned to music, movies and television for examples of healthy relationships. Now, we often model our relationships after television sitcoms. We are good at quick comebacks and sassy remarks, without taking time to consider the other person's heart. We also want our problems wrapped up in thirty minutes or less! Instead, Gen Xers need to understand that unrealistic expectations can hurt our relationships. We also need to treat out spouses with honor and respect, even when we don't feel like they deserve it.

3. Our teen relationships were intense and often included sexuality, leading to intense breakups and the resulting baggage. By the time many GenXers walked down the aisle, they'd experienced several "pretend-marriages." Spouses can break free from these bonds when we realize the truth about love, the truth about emotions, and the truth about intimacy. It's knowing that what we had in the past wasn't love -- and emotions don't rule. True intimacy is choosing to share our hearts and our struggles with the one we're committed to for life.

4. Gen Xers were starved for quality time, so they appreciate balance. Doing too much stresses us out. The first thing Gen Xers need to do is realize the impact of our faced-pace lives, and then make plans for peace. It's cutting out things that won't matter ten years from now and focusing on the things that will.

5. Gen Xers were labeled the "slackers" and the "grunge" generation. The generations before didn't think we'd amount to much. Because of this, Gen Xers strive hard to prove themselves. We aren't content just "living life," we want to reach our full potential. Spouses can encourage each other to follow their heart dreams. This starts with asking your spouse out his/her dreams, then offering encouragement and support!
Love Gen X Style!

Share your story and WIN a dinner for TWO to the restaurant of your choice! ($50 maximum)
For the fun contest that goes with this book, click here

Tell us the story of how you and your spouse met. If you have photos, send those along, too! The winning story will be chosen at the end of the blog tour and will be posted on Tricia's GenX blog.

Another Engagement in Our Family

I'm proud to announce the engagement of my oldest son, Forrest, to his long-time gal, Tristan.

[Check back in a day or so for engagement party photos. I'll be adding them to this post and a few others. It's just really, really late tonight.]

We had a surprise engagement party for them. Forrest took Tristan out to eat in a tux while she wore a long evening gown.

His younger (and newly married) brother suddenly showed up with his wife--and guitar.

Devan started playing. Forrest started singing..."What are you doing the rest of your life...?"

Then all the guests piled in.

Now Tristan knew it was probably THE night when she had to wear a gown to dinner. What she didn't know was that around 30 people were going to show up and celebrate with her.

Quite a lovely party :-D

So in less than six months, I will be a mother-in-law for the second time!

When did they grow up? I'm sure I don't remember time passing!

sigh. 4 more kids to go...

Stay tuned, I'll let you know as the ideas pour in...


Angie

Romantic Honeymoon Idea

Several of the groomsmen and the groom's uncle took off for an adventure during the photo time. These fellows are all romantics at heart.




Here's what they did for the bride and groom. :-)



Tah Dah! Rose petals, a gift basket, and little notes to the bride and groom on their pillows.


Devan and Katie later reported that they were very surprised and happy with the fun decorating.

Note: No one did anything harmful or distasteful. All was intended to be loving and welcoming to the couple's first night together from people who loved them. No jokes or anything. Everything understated. That's elegance.

Angie

The Wedding Photos

With all the family and friends around the world, we hope you'll enjoy a few photos from the beautiful wedding of Devan and Katie.



I had no idea how beautiful an all white wedding could be!



My oldest son and his special gal sing for the Bride and Groom dance.



Mother/Son Dance. We just played and laughed the whole time.


Running the tunnel to the car.


It was truly a gorgeous wedding.

I hope you all enjoyed these photos too.

Angie

It's All Over

Christmas is past for another year. Our son was married yesterday. The bride and groom are off on their honeymoon. We're so happy for them! (I promise a picture or two very soon, but my camera decided to act up and I haven't been able to load the photos yet. Pending:-) )

The wedding was beautiful. All in white! The flowers stood out in jewel tones against the 8 bridesmaids dresses. Our beautiful red-headed daughter-in-law wore her mother's dress. She looked stunning! Our son glowed as he watched her come to him down the aisle.

Today, we are resting. After 3 days of wedding parties, whew!

Something you might enjoy doing for a wedding idea---

We had a music worship time of praise songs right between the rehearsal dinner and the rehearsal. What a nice time to bring our minds back to the real author of marriage!

Then the pastor gave a short talk to all that attended the music and worship just before the rehearsal. I loved it because he charged us all to be friends of Devan and Katie's marriage. He taught us NOT to commiserate with them during complaints. We are to point them back to their spouse. He gave specific common examples and even taught us what to respond to those examples. It was one of the best things I've ever heard or seen in a preparation for marriage.

Thank you, Lord, for our children's marriage and the fruit of that marriage. We hope for grandchildren, but the fruit of their marriage is to make a difference for Christ. They have already begun.

Angie
PS Wedding photos pending...