Save Someone You Love From Suicide

 

www.ThinkingAboutSuicide.com - it's filled with articles, helps, and resources for those who are depressed or thinking of ending their lives as well as those who have lost a loved one to suicide.  Please reshare this, as you never know which of your loved ones and friends desperately needs the encouragement to live.  The articles are written by 20 of my Christian writer friends from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association.)  www.AWSA.com

Thanks and blessings,

Linda Evans Shepherd

 

Angie here: I love to share information that might save a life, a family, a hope. Please consider sharing the link, visiting for information, and finding hope for yourself or a loved one at risk for suicide. I'm honored to be part of the team of writers, but the only thing that matters is encouraging those we love to stay safe and get help. This site will also have help aids and support to families and friends who grieve the loss of someone they loved to suicide. The Lord loves you. Let Him minister to you through the love of others and don't isolate away from them.

Is the Story, Hunger Games, Fiction?

Is the story, Hunger Games, fiction?

The same day I saw an ad for the movie, Hunger Games, this article came through my inbox from Assist News. I don't think Hunger Games is fiction. I think it's very, very real. Reminds me of the Roman gladiators or the cage fighting happening on US TV every night. Tell me what you think after reading this article or seeing a televised cage fight right in your living room.--Angie

Monday, March 12, 2012

Iraqi Teenagers Stoned to Death for Western Dress and 'emo' Haircuts

By Michael Ireland

Senior International Correspondent, ASSIST News Service

BAGHDAD, IRAQ (ANS) -- Religious extremists in Baghdad have stoned to death at least 90 Iraqi teenagers with "emo" appearances in the past month after an inflammatory interior ministry statement dubbed it "devil worshiping," activists said.

An online article published March 9 at http://english.al-akhbar.com  says that  Iraq's Moral Police released a chilling statement on the interior ministry's website condemning the "emo phenomenon" among Iraqi youth, disturbingly declaring its intent to "eliminate" the trend.

"The 'Emo phenomenon' or devil worshiping is being followed by the Moral Police who have the approval to eliminate [the phenomenon] as soon as possible since it's detrimentally affecting the society and becoming a danger," the statement read.  "They wear strange, tight clothes that have pictures on them such as skulls and use stationary that are shaped as skulls. They also wear rings on their noses and tongues, and do other strange activities," it continued.

The website says that religious extremists caught onto the interior ministry statement, and have been harassing and killing teenagers with "strange" or "emo" appearances.
"A group of armed men dressed in civilian clothing led dozens of teenagers to secluded areas a few days ago, stoned them to death, and then disposed their bodies in garbage dumpsters across the capital," according to activists.

The armed men are said to belong to "one of the most extremist religious groups" in Iraq, the website stated. "First they throw concrete blocks at the boy's arms, then at his legs, then the final blow is to his head, and if he is not dead then, they start all over again," one person who managed to escape told the Al-Akhbar website.

The website goes on to say that Iraq's moral police was granted approval by the Ministry of Education to enter Baghdad schools and pinpoint students with such appearances, according to the interior ministry's statement.

The exact death toll remains unclear, but Hana al-Bayaty of Brussels Tribunal, an NGO dealing with Iraqi issues, said the current figure ranges "between 90 and 100," the website said.

"What's most disturbing about this is that they're so young," she said.

According to the web report, Al-Bayaty said the killings appear to have been carried out by extremist Shia militias in mostly poor Shia neighborhoods and said she suspected "there's complicity of the Ministry of Interior in the killings."

Photos of the victims were released on Facebook, causing panic and fear among Iraqi students, the website said. The web report said a young man with long hair expressed alarm at the government-ordained harassment of teenagers with Western appearances.

"I have long hair but that doesn't mean I'm an Emo. I'm not less of a man if I have long hair. Let's not say that if I have long hair, I'm a homosexual, but I have long hair because this is my style, this is me," he told Iraq's Al-Sharqiya television network.

Safiyyah al-Suhail, an Iraqi MP, said on Thursday that "some students have been recently arrested because they were wearing American jeans or had Western haircuts."

The web report explained that the interior ministry has not disclosed the number of teenage victims, but released a follow-up statement on Thursday warning extremists "not to step on public freedom of Iraqis."

News of the gruesome deaths drew a stern reaction from Iraq's prominent Shia cleric, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, who criticized the stoning of the young men as "an act of terrorism."

The Director of the Moral Police of the Interior Ministry released a statement, saying "The 'Emo phenomenon' or devil worshiping is being followed by the Moral Police who have the approval to eliminate [the phenomenon] as soon as possible since it's detrimentally affecting the society and becoming a danger."

The website further explained that 'Emo' comes from the English word 'emotional' and the phenomenon is popular among teenagers not only in Iraq, but in most societies. They use their appearances and movements as a method to express their emotions and embody their will and their view of life in their behavior.

Colonel Mushtaq Taleb al-Mahemdawi said: "The Emo Phenomenon was discovered a while back by members of our force in Baghdad. A report has been made and given to the Ministry of Interior to receive an approval to carry on with the investigation and to know how to eliminate the phenomenon."

He added: "The Ministry of Interior took this situation very seriously and received an approval from the Ministry of Education to set a plan under my full supervision and to allow us to enter schools in the capital."

"There are some cases of the spread of this phenomenon specifically among schools in Baghdad, but we are facing great difficulty in the lack of women on the force who would allow us to carry the investigation more accurately since the phenomenon is more popular among girls between the ages of 14 and 18."

"They wear strange, tight clothes that have pictures on them such as skulls and use stationary (sic) that are shaped as skulls. They also wear rings on their noses and tongues, and do other strange activities."

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** Michael Ireland is the Senior International Correspondent for ANS. He is an international British freelance journalist who was formerly a reporter with a London (United Kingdom) newspaper and has been a frequent contributor to UCB UK, a British Christian radio station. While in the UK, Michael traveled to Canada and the United States, Albania,Yugoslavia, Holland, Germany,and Czechoslovakia. He has reported for ANS from Jamaica, Mexico, Nicaragua, Israel, Jordan, China,and Russia. Michael's volunteer involvement with ASSIST News Service is a sponsored ministry department -- 'Michael Ireland Media Missionary' (MIMM) -- of A.C.T. International of P.O.Box 1649, Brentwood, TN 37024-1649, at: Artists in Christian Testimony (A.C.T.) International where you can make a donation online under 'Donate' tab, then look for 'Michael Ireland Media Missionary' under 'Donation Category' to support his stated mission of 'Truth Through Christian Journalism.' Michael is a member in g ood standing of the National Writers Union, Society of Professional Journalists, Religion Newswriters Association, Evangelical Press Association and International Press Association. If you have a news or feature story idea for Michael, please contact him at: ANS Senior International Reporter

---

** You may republish this story with proper attribution.
ASSIST News Service (ANS) - PO Box 609, Lake Forest, CA 92609-0609 USA
Visit our web site at: www.assistnews.net -- E-mail: assistnews@aol.com

When A Man You Love Was Abused by Cec Murphey

When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphey

Just to let everyone know, I'm still reading this book but felt it was so important that I wanted to get some information out there to bring awareness for the courage it takes to acknowledge abuse no matter who you are. Please take note. If you don't need it, someone you know will.


Angie's Take:
Cec's vulnerability will help women begin to understand why the men they love act in numbness, hiding their emotions under a wall so thick they no longer are aware of their existence. What seems like neglectful uncaring is actually the inability to even find emotions long ago buried. Though there are very practical and helpful suggestions for women, loving a man who has been abused takes the help of Christ and Cec does not fail to acknowledge that important piece of the puzzle. Great opportunity to strengthen marriages and save many from destruction.

View all my reviews >>

Multiple Streams of Contentment

Multiple Streams of Contentment is a guest blogger article By Karen Whiting. I truly felt her writing voice and style connect with my soul and it became important to share what she'd written. So please welcome and enjoy this guest blogger article.


My mother didn't smile on my wedding day. She spent the day overwhelmed with sadness although she loved me and loved my fiancé. He was everything she wanted in a husband for me. The wedding stayed within budget and everything went off fairly smoothly. My extended family all attended, everyone got along, and tried to cheer her up. Yet, my wedding photos will always show her sad expression.

The day before the wedding my mentally handicapped brother had lost his little job of waiting on tables at a school cafeteria. Although social workers could easily place him in a new position, mom remained discontented and focused on that problem the entire day. She made the mistake of magnifying one problem, so that it robbed her of joy on such a happy occasion.

Many people let one problem override all the blessings in their lives. It steals their contentment. They forget to trust their anxieties to God and rejoice in the blessings he has given them.

Some people fixate on something until it changes their personality and fills them with negative emotions that spill out in sin. Herodias, in Matthew 14, is an example of a person whose discontent led to a life of sin. She had a husband but chose the sin of adultery. She must have been discontent with her husband. She felt more discontent at hearing John the Baptist speak of repentance and point out her sin. That led to her plotting the murder of John the Baptist. She trampled over people and even used her beautiful daughter to get her way. She ignored John's calls to repent, the one action that would have healed her heart and given her joy. Her bad choice snowballed into disaster for many.

In contrast, Paul spoke about contentment, in Philippians four, and said that he had learned to be content in prosperous circumstances and impoverished situations. His circumstances could not rob him of his joy or peace. It is very seldom that every detail in life is perfect because we live in a fallen world, but we can make choices that help us remain content despite our circumstances.

Continue reading the remainder? http://e2ma.net/go/2112774231/1930390/71676452/14449/goto:http://www.docstoc.com/docs/7088309/Mutliple-Streams-of-Contentment


About the Author:
A creative person with creative solutions- that's Karen Whiting! She has a heart for busy women and desires to help them free up time for what God has truly called them to do in relationships and ministry. She challenges listeners to discover ways to connect, serve, and treasure one another.

Karen found time to follow God's call to write even while she and husband, Jim moved around the US and raised their five children. They currently live on Maryland's eastern shore and are new grandparents.

An author of ten books for women, families and children, Karen writes to creatively strengthen families. Her articles have appeared in dozens of magazines, including Focus on the Family, Today's Christian Woman, Christian Parenting Today, and Parent Life. Karen has been named Who's Who of American Women, Who's Who in the World, and Professional Speakers Network member of the year award. Karen has been a guest on numerous radio shows and hosted the educational television series Puppets on Parade. With humor and inspiration, Karen loves to encourage women to nurture their relationships and family life.

Find out more about Karen at her website http://www.karenwhiting.com/

To schedule Karen for a speaking event or interview, please contact Kathy Carlton Willis Communications at WillisWay@aol.com or check out kcwcomm.blogspot.com

Are Nightmares a Problem?

Nightmares and night terrors are a significant issue for many people. Not only their own, but for their children. I'd like to share some tips on dealing with our subconscious dreams that have worked for me and my children over the years.

Reprogramming the dream. As a child, I woke up in sweats from horrible night terrors. One brought on by a friend because my black kitten jumped in her lap. She ran out the glass sliding door screaming because black cats were bad luck. The glass slider slammed and fell off the track over wooden steps. That night, at 6 years old, I had my first night terror of pirates killing my family. And they'd gotten in through the broken door!

That dream recurred several times over my childhood. The same dream. The same fears. I began fighting it. I'd force a new dream. That didn't work but had some solace. So I tried taking the old dream and spinning a new ending in my waking mind.

I learned how to put new images in my mind and redream the dream over the years. It changed and morphed until finally succumbing to the new scenes. As I entered my adulthood, I became so good at it that I could begin reprogramming the dream before fully awake. I do that still to this day.

Comfort. Everyone has a bad dream. But when a child wakes crying or screaming from it, they need help learning the skill to reprogram. I began working with my kiddos as they woke. I'd ask them to tell me about the dream and then I'd help them think how to change it into something pleasant. I never said it didn't matter. I also never told them to just go back to sleep. I'd hold them, calm them and then start telling the dream back to the kiddo with that child as the hero combating whatever they feared in the dream. I'd give them tools or weapons in their dream world. It's really a case of using your imagination until theirs takes over.

Recognizing key stress times. Being aware of events that cause a fearful reaction can help too. If your child is expressing fear verbally, help them talk it out well before bedtime. Then come up with some fun, fanciful things to dream about as you tuck them in. Stay a few minutes after lights out. Chat about those fanciful ideas and then walk out leaving the little one to muse. Use children's books or make up your own. Put the child into the story. Now if he wakes up with a bad dream, you can easily slip back into that story too or weave it into the dream to help overcome the fears. Make sure your child becomes the lead character. It fuels the imagination into overcoming the obstacle they fear.

Music. Sing! If you really can't sing, there are tons of great CD's. Let your child help pick it out. Make it an adventure.

Speaking of adventures, check out Adventure in Odyssey stories on tape or CD. You can get them from Focus on the Family online. We love these fun stories with unique voices. (Truthfully, I'm excited to start on the next generation with these fun adventures!)

Hopefully this helps :-)

Sweet Dreams,
Angie

Does trouble have meaning in our lives?

One of the things that bothers a lot of people is that pain doesn't seem to have meaning. I beg to differ. I've been working toward starting my life coaching business for exactly this purpose: to reveal the meaning in our lives through our difficulties. I love the verses below that support this concept.

2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 (New Century Version)
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. 4 He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us. 5 We share in the many sufferings of Christ. In the same way, much comfort comes to us through Christ. 6 If we have troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation, and if we have comfort, you also have comfort. This helps you to accept patiently the same sufferings we have. 7 Our hope for you is strong, knowing that you share in our sufferings and also in the comfort we receive.

Understanding how other people feel is called empathy. Walking with them through their pain is called compassion. When we can reach out a hand and help them step over some of the rocks on the path because we've walked that path before, that's called sharing comfort.

I'm going to be moving into a new path for my life. I'm excited but very, very peaceful about the decision. It's been coming for several years now. I can look back and see the steps that brought me to this place. I can see where the hardships I've experienced were given to me as a blessing now in order to stand at this crossroad to make this decision. Sometimes hindsight isn't just 20/20. Sometimes it gives us a clarification of our purpose.

I'm going to base the next phase of my life on the verses above as I begin my life coaching certification and open up my practice next fall. I feel like everything has been building to this place, this time, this dream all along. Now I look back and can see 20/20. And I'm grateful.

Angie

Tender Grace by Jackina Stark

Angie's Take: Wow! I love this book, Tender Grace by Jackina Stark. I loved going on the journey with Audrey, the heroine. At risk of sounding silly, she's a lot like me. I laughed at her constant desire for Diet Coke and pizza. I love a soda and pizza. So we bonded immediately, lol.

I liked the internal journey and courage Audrey showed as she explored both the U.S. and herself after the death of her husband. I also bonded with her because she honored who she was on the inside while trying to grow into who she wanted to be.

Tender Grace is a warm, gentle journey of discovering being alive.

Angie



This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is introducing Tender Grace




Bethany House (February 1, 2009)






by Jackina Stark









ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

I have also spoken nationally and internationally at many retreats and seminars and enjoy running into many readers and former students. I have written frequently for both Christian Standard and Lookout, periodicals of Standard Publishing. Years ago I wrote two non-fiction books, published by College Press, but currently out of print. These days, I’m exploring fiction. My first novel, Tender Grace, will be released by Bethany House January 30, 2009, and a second, Things Worth Remembering, will be released in October, 2009. I’m working on new projects, including a third novel, as time permits. Whether speaking or writing, I love the opportunity to tell about Him whom Jesus called “Holy Father” and “the only true God.”

She lives in Joplin, Missouri with her husband, and she spends most of her free time doing is reading and writing. That is what she usually do when she's not teaching, enjoying the children and grandchildren, or sitting on the back porch drinking a Diet Coke and watching her husband till the garden!


ABOUT THE BOOK

Audrey Eaton awakes at three in the morning and gets up to retrieve her husband, Tom, from the recliner where he has fallen asleep watching a ball game. But when she enters the living room and looks at his gentle face in the soft lamp light, she knows their time together is over. Grief attacks her until all she can think about is how much she wants her old life back. Determined to find healing, she embarks on a journey to the one place Tom and she always intended to visit but never did. Along the way, she discovers, through shared experiences with friends old and new, the meaning of the "tender graces" God provides each and every day.

I've quit reading--even bestsellers, even the newspaper, even my Bible. I've also quit listening to music. This lack of appreciation for things I once loved is beginning to define me. More mornings than I can count, I say to myself before I open my eyes, "I don't want to do this." In the days shortly following Tom's death, that made sense, but what does it mean now? That I'm in trouble? One of the best qualities of the former me was thankfulness. As I was trying to sleep last night, needing Tom to be curled up behind me, his left arm slung across me, I realized to my horror that I couldn't remember the last time I was truly thankful. I think of a line from an old hymn: "Awake, my soul, and sing." I miss Tom. I also miss me. Determined to find healing, Audrey Eaton embarks on a trip to the one place she and her husband always intended to visit but never did. When things don't go as planned, will she embrace the unexpected graces that guide her journey?

You can buy it here.

High Emotional Content

Christmas is just days away. This is a very difficult time for a lot of people. Several people in our community have passed away. Many families, friends and business people are grieving over the loss of these loved ones from accidents and sudden unexpected natural death.

Do you think they see the holidays the same as the harried mom rushing to buy presents? Do you think those harried moms feel the same as an executive worrying over the health of his business in this economy?

Grief is so difficult at this time when people expect to have super happy times. Our expectations get a little whacked out. That's really it, isn't it? Our expectations rule above logic.

Sometimes when this happens, our impatience and emotions get a little extreme as well. I'd like to offer a little tip in dealing with the high emotions of the holidays.

Think about the owl  and the monkey in a tree. Owl sits there watching with big round eyes. Monkey starts screeching at the invasion and jumps into the melee'. Suddenly the other monkeys do the same thing. They're all drawn into the commotion.

But Owl, he just sits and waits and watches all the monkeys act crazy. Nothing solved, lots of bruising and distrust. He waits it out. He is not the cause of the problem nor does he own the problem. Owl remains quiet and at ease.

During this time, when emotions get the best of someone in your path, instead of reacting like a monkey that jumps off the branch and into the fiasco, be like the owl and watch.

Watching does a couple of things for us. It makes us think about what we see happening and it keeps us quiet so we don't make assumptions. (Oh, yes, you know what that means...)

Watching the situation, without jumping into a highly emotionally packed issue, maintains peace. It's in that sense of peace, where confusion does not reign, that good things happen.

 

Be an owl. Maybe you can offer a suggestion and maybe all you need to do is gently listen. 

Angie

Please Come and Celebrate Logan's Life

Logan Smith passed away last night. He was 9. Many people loved and prayed for him as he struggled with Renal Cell Carcinoma.

Logan, you will be missed. I'm glad you are home with Jesus, but I hurt for your mom and family and friends.

This Saturday, we will all be meeting at the Iron Horse Brew Pub to celebrate Logan's life. We'll be there from 4-9p.m.

Originally, it was a fundraiser. That is what community, friends, and family are for in this world. Supporting each other. Loving each other. Helping each other carry their burdens financial and emotional.

One thing that really made me smile about Logan was his desire to see real penguins. He did get to go to the zoo and see them. Such a little thing. But I know it brought him great joy. I like to think of him giggling at the penguins.

Many, many people made paper cranes to send Logan wishes of hope. I know he got a thousand of them made by students from several different local schools here in Missoula. I also know he really liked them. He had them hung in his room so he could see them.

Paper cranes and penguins. I'll never see either one again without remembering Logan.

If you have a chance, please come to the Iron Horse Brew Pub this Saturday from 4-9p.m. and help us lessen the financial stress for Logan's family. Fold a paper crane with me, bid on the silent auction items, and feel the close knit community of caring.

You can learn more about Logan at his Tumor Town blog.

Thank you,
Angie

How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy by Linda Ellen Perry and Lynellen Perry

In our community, a young lady did not survive a pregnancy. It still breaks the hearts of the townspeople, her classmates, and her family.

I've waited to post this because I felt her family needed a little time to get past the loss. But I think it is an important book for parents of teens.

So often, we think we need to make our children's lives more perfect than ours have been. But we forget that God uses broken vessels and all the brokenness in our lives to create something beautiful. He doesn't leave us to wallow in our disasters. We can do that just fine ourselves.

Instead, God comes to us, meets us in our difficulties and then shows us the way through them. Not so we can be "survivors." A new friend pointed that out to me the other day. But so that we can live every day, in that day, feeling that life and then reach out to grasp another hand in need.

Sometimes we see a problem through a microscope. We need a little help stepping back to get a bigger focus.

I think that's what this book does. I think it's a good tool to put on our shelves, in our churches, and in the hands of our counselors so that when someone in our community is affected with teen pregnancy, the tool is right at hand.

The authors take time to delve into the emotions surrounding a teen pregnancy. They help break down the walls between a hurting young person and a hurting parent.

I also think this book would be a great Bible study for any outreach ministry, adult study, and church ministerial planning. Of course, it's also perfect for the parents in need of support in the midst of unplanned turmoil.

How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy will help ground anyone in relational connection versus damaged hearts that take so long to heal.

I think it is better to consider how we might respond than to wait and react. No one wants to believe or think that their child might face this circumstance. But being open-minded enough to prevent harmful reactive behavior might be insurance well purchased for the same price as a fast food meal for two.

So what if you never have to use it yourself? Wouldn't it be nice to have a resource to draw on should someone else need it?

I simply like the idea of growing more empathetic toward others by being aware of painful situations and having some possible tools to offer.

I invite you to read How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy in case you might need to help someone else. Now you will know how. It is published by Chalfont House. You can find it at www.ChalfontHouse.com

God Bless,
Angie
PS Please visit me over at Writer's Rest every Sunday :-)

What is the big deal with brain donation?

I'm at a year. One year. What the heck happened to that year?

One year ago I was putting together a team. This team was so important to me. It would make the difference in the value of a human life.

One year.

And now that time has past. It passed so fast that I can hardly remember many of the days in between. Like the pictures of her above, the top is her 18th birthday. My daughter is now 18. It feels like a paradox. The people in the photos below are people that are still alive and knew her well. She mattered to them. She mattered to me.

The team had doctors, nurses, family, and friends. It had transfer options, hospital and hearse involvement. Why?

Because I knew my mom was dying. I couldn't let her go without somehow making her life matter. Somehow making what we'd been through have a purpose!

March 1st is coming up. That's the day it all went down. It went down and I began a climb toward purpose. But was it hers or mine?

With Mom's schizophrenia acting as a character in our own daytime drama, I couldn't let it win as if the mental illness was the victor. So I planned and plotted. I prepared and set in place something I felt would make a difference.

Mom died. I dealt with it in the best way possible. And then I didn't.

I prepared. I planned. I had it in my mind that I could do this thing. i could donate her brain because it would benefit mankind. It would make some other mother and daughter have what I didn't have, relationship.

Then at the last minute, at 11:45p.m. on March 1st, I panicked. I had to ask over and over if she'd really passed on. I had to have the nurse check several times. I stood there. Me. I had my hand on Mom's chest when she took her last breath. I knew she was gone! But I didn't want to believe it.

It would be the ultimate moment that I had to realize I could not ever connect in this world with her on a human level. I never could and I never would. The mental illness would forever be the wall between us. It meant I had to realize that someone would actually perform the procedure.

I was terrified that I couldn't make that decision. Terrified!

I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. I didn't want to make a mistake. I didn't want to be heartless.

Everything I'd been doing for almost 7 years was to provide and protect my mom. Suddenly I was allowing someone to really invade her.

Thank God for the hospice nurse.

Her gentle voice, reassurance that Mom had passed, and honestly-her eyes looking into mine told me I could do what needed to be done.

I gave the word.

What was it? Some amazing testament? Some profound utterance?

No. It was simply, "Okay."

"Okay?" She asked.

"Okay, do it. Do what we planned so we can help someone else." My sense of resolve never faltered, just my sense of insecurity over causing her pain. I wasn't fully accepting of her death in the short time since her last breath. Why did things have to move so slowly and then suddenly so swiftly?

So. One year later. How do I feel? I feel like it was an important step. A good step. A contribution to someone else's future.

I hope to see the end result, but I probably won't in my lifetime. The study for schizophrenia isn't an overnight success just like most everything else isn't. All the work and all the preparation for the big unveiling of the "success" is done behind the scenes over years uncounted.

Would I do it again?

Yes.

How do I know?

Because I'm a brain donor too. And when I pass, I hope my husband and children will have the courage to continue what I started. It's not easy dealing with the emotions of donating organs from someone you love. It's not easy because the picture is in your head no matter what anyone else says.

It's still the right thing to do. The picture gets better. In fact, as time passes, you will feel like you made the right decision to help others.

My advice is this: Set up in advance what needs to be done so that when the time comes, you can just put the wheels in motion. Too much to think through will cause failure. That is a regret I know I couldn't live with. Could you?

Angie

Resting in Joy

See that pot of tea? It's called a flowering tea. Today is my mom's 65th birthday. She's no longer here though. It's been over 8 months since she passed. Some days are easy, some days are not. 

But it's important to find joy in every day, even harder days. Maybe you can smile at a baby. What if something funny happens? Laugh. Grief isn't the sackcloth and ashes thing all the time. Life is quixotic.

Quixotic means to change and flash into different aspects constantly. Almost like a chameleon. Grief is like that. One minute you feel it deeply and the next you can laugh over something you remember.

My mom introduced me to tea when I was so little I don't remember ever not having it. I love tea. I always have. 

I guess what I'm saying today is that it's a special day for a special tea. And I'm okay with it:-) 

If I could offer you anything to help with grief, find something like tea or music or a special place and savor it on days when you think it might be a little rougher than others. It helps.

Angie

Today's Thought: Savor joy in whatever form it comes.

What's a wake?

Answer: A time to celebrate the life of a loved one and the love still living.

Here's the love inspired by Eva as we celebrated her life together.




We told stories, looked at old photos, remembered funny incidents...



We took pictures of the kids... (all of us cousins who grew up together.) This one is me and my cousin, Mike.



And this is me and Nicole.



(How did I miss photo opps with Mitch and Mark?)


And of the kids kids:-)


So what's a wake? A time to remember and reconnect. A time to laugh, talk, cry, and grieve. Grief isn't all about tears. It's also about honoring the love that is still living.

Angie

Eva Beatrice (Nelson) Francois Obituary

Eva Beatrice (Nelson) Bigelow Francois
Graveside Memorial May 4th, 3:30p.m. Everyone welcome.
Hampden Memorial Gardens 8600 E. Hampden
Wake to follow at the home of Mike Nelson.




Eva's life wisped between Nov 25th, 1942 and Mar 1st, 2007. She died at 64 years old. She married twice.
She gave birth to Alan E. Bigelow, Jr. a paramedic in Pahrump NV and Angela Bigelow Breidenbach, an author in Missoula, MT who also acted as Eva's legal guardian. Both children were from her first marriage to Alan Bigelow, Sr. Her second husband, Richard Francois, has already passed on.

Because of her lifelong struggle with paranoid schizophrenia, I'd like to share with you that thankfully Eva lived, and now others have hope because of the studies on schizophrenic brains. Eva experienced a difficult time with fear caused by the schizophrenia. We are grateful that she is free of that impediment now. We remember her as a loving person.

She had a heart to serve people in nursing homes. She did this through her church activities as a younger woman, and I was told she did this even as a nursing home resident later. The nurses told me that on a daily basis, she would minister to the other residents. She'd make sure they had something to drink or that an aid would help them when needed. She fluttered around the other people taking care of them.

I didn't get to see that much because we picked her up and took her out often. Her favorite place to go was Pizza Hut! She'd call and ask to go out to lunch. I'd offer several suggestions. It was ALWAYS Pizza Hut:-) Then she'd ask if there was time for ice cream.

As long as she was able, she went to her grandchildren's concerts and events. But the last year or so was too difficult. She could no longer see or understand very well. But she still came for family holidays and events at our house. She loved the animals and it helped her to just pet the dogs and cats. She had dogs and cats all her life. She taught us to love animals too. Watch out when you visit, you'll be deluged with dogs, cats, horses...She loved that!

We were told that most mentally ill people, and people in nursing homes, are left by their families to die alone or don't have families any longer. The nurses and staff at mom's nursing home felt like they'd never seen a family surround someone in the process of dying like ours did. I was so surprised! But it created a new opportunity for those nurses to talk to the other families. Maybe it will make a difference for other people too. I hope so.

Her death was not pretty. But sometimes, that's just the way it is. She was afraid to die because of her illness. But her grandchildren stayed with me through the last day. This is important. Very important. These kids ranged from 15-23. They sang to her, helped me fan her, put sponges in her mouth to wet it, and showered compassion on their grandmother. It was terribly hard to watch her struggle. She'd lost her ability to speak so it became a guessing game of how to comfort and meet her needs. She was very agitated those last hours and still the kids stayed. No one would let her die alone in fear.

You need to know that. Why? Because you need to know that she passed on the beauty of caring for others even in her severe mental illness. You need to know that her love for her family was the inherited trait. Her grandchildren stayed through the moaning, the tears, the pain. They stayed because they inherited compassionate hearts. From Eva.

Hospice came the last day. They sent us a harpist. She sang and played. It was an ethereal time.

But Eva's legacy is two-fold. She leaves behind two children, eight grandchildren, and lives that will be touched forever. Will be? Yes. Eva's last gift-the donation of her brain to the Brain Bank will help innumerable people learn about schizophrenia and better treatment.

When you get a chance to talk with us at the funeral, don't be afraid to ask. We're not fragile. We want to openly share. We hope that you will share with us.

Eva's last words were, "I love you, Jesus." A nurse was in the room and verified it. I guess that's important to me too because she hadn't been able to speak coherently for several weeks. I didn't want to be imagining things. In heaven, we'll meet the real Eva, the wonderful lady we never knew, because she believed in the way, the truth, and the life even though crippled by mental illness. She is with the Lord. She is laughing, running, and joyfully singing.

Mom, I look forward to those long chats that we never had down here on earth. But we'll have eternity in heaven to get to know each other and I look forward to that day.

If you'd like more information on the Brain Bank or on Eva's life, please visit more posts on this blog on brain donation, schizophrenia, parents, or visit the brain bank at www.brainbank.mclean.org or by calling 800 brainbank.
Our family would like to suggest financial donations to the Brain Bank rather than flowers.

Eva's official newspaper obituary can be found next week in the Rocky Mountain News and the Denver Post. They also have an online placement at www.Legacy.com

Thank you so much for spending your time with me while I chat about my mom. There's so much more, but I guess things like that come out over time. There are several other posts about mom, feel free to read them. Also, please feel free to forward this to anyone who you feel might like to read it. I'd love your comments and thoughts.

Thanks for honoring mom's memory with me.

Angela Breidenbach

What Relief?

I've never felt so supported through a situation in my life. My friends, family, and writing buddies from my loops and memberships have sent so many emails and cards to encourage me through this time of grief. Since mom died and her brain was donated to the Brain Bank, I've felt continually lifted up. Thank you.

Something odd happened though. Lots of friends at church and in my business life have made the comment that I must feel relieved. Then they go on to say it's okay to feel relief. I think some folks must feel that way and then feel guilty for the sense of relief.

The strange thing for me is that I don't feel relief at all. Gut check. Nope. Not there. In fact, I've gone through some of the stages of grief like sadness and anger, but not anything close to relief. Huh. What's wrong with me? Aren't I supposed to feel relieved? Relieved of what? I don't get it at all.

Then one of the cards from a beloved family member came. My Aunt Lu sent it. She had taken care of her mother for probably twice the 6 plus years I've taken care of mine. She wrote this to me-

"May the Lord give you peace and comfort as you adjust to the passing of your mother. You did a great service for her during the last years of her life."

Long sigh. I connected. I felt understood. I didn't have to wonder where was that elusive "relief" feeling everyone was talking about. I could simply adjust.

Daily, I adjust. Mom wasn't an easy person to help. She fought me regularly. She didn't want to take her meds, or believe she had diabetes, or get the eye surgery to stop the bleeding and macular degeneration, or you name it. I spent so much energy finding ways to get around her determination to harm herself through neglect that I just got used to it. Working with mom's twisted thought patterns became a normal thing.

The nurses would call and say, "Eva's having a problem today. We can't get her to calm down. She thinks her cat is still alive and that someone has kidnapped it."

I'd get on the phone and talk her down from her delusion. Or she'd think my brother was standing outside calling her to come. I'd talk her back into eating her meal or going to bed. Lots of calls, lots of visits when she wouldn't calm down.

There was the rattlesnake incident. Her meds were switched by one of the many doctors. They clashed. She freaked. We ended up in the E.R. all day while she screamed in pain from rattlesnake bites that weren't happening. Man, that was a hard day!

You'd think I'd feel relief, wouldn't you? No more late night calls that she fell and broke a tailbone. No more calls to calm her fears. No more pleas to go out to pizza. ("But mom, we just went to pizza. Wouldn't you like something else?")

I'm adjusting. I'm not sure what to do with my days and nights. Not that I don't have a ton of things to do. My list is a mile long. I can't figure out what to do because I'm used to being interrupted when I least expect it. I have a sense that someone should call and tell me I need to meet them at the E.R. again because Eva refused to use her walker and hit her head for the umpteenth time.

Adjusting to not being embarrassed by awful comments in a restaurant, to walking at whatever pace I want to walk, to talking about her past tense. That's a really weird problem.

I'm also planning all the questions I'm going to ask her one day in heaven. That might be the biggest adjustment of all. The day I meet my real mom. The one who I've so desperately wanted to know all my life. That'll be such a good day:-)

If you are grieving, which describes your feelings best? Relief or adjusting? Here's a prayer I'm praying for myself today. Please feel free to pray it for yourself too. (We Lutherans have a habit of sharing written prayers:-) ) It could be used for anything because God knows our situation specifically. He's hearing our hearts as if we are looking straight into his eyes. He knows what you mean, what I mean, and wants to listen.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Please help me to adjust. Help my heart to turn more to you than to band-aid fixes. Walk with me today. I seem to be lost. Draw me into your arms so that I recognize you. Help me to focus properly and not be overly sensitive to the wrong things. Today's a weird day. Can you just handle it for me? Sometimes it feels like people are pushing me too fast. Like I'm expected to move on before I'm ready. Could you just slow it all down and let me rest? I'm so grateful for life, but I need a breather from the business of life.
Thank you,
In Jesus name,
Amen

Mom's Gift

Hi all,
I want to thank you all so much for the amazing amount of emails, prayers, cards, and kind words as I went through this last week and a half since my mom died. You all had so much compassion! I really learned a lot about what it is to be a supportive friend.

Thank you!

The update (about the brain donation etc.) for those who are interested in it:

My mom, many of you know, was a paranoid schizophrenic. I signed us both up to be brain donor's with the Harvard Brain Bank's study for schizophrenia. They need both the brain of the mentally ill patient as well as their family members to study the differences.

Watching mom die was extremely hard. My husband and five of my six kids were there. It wasn't the beautiful movie-style peaceful thing. It was hard, painful, and disturbing. She was so scared. She tried to speak earlier in the day, but it was nearly impossible to understand her. She moaned a lot. She was extremely restless. She had stripped her clothes off as if they were painful. We lightly covered her with a sheet and used it to fan her body to comfort her from the heat that happens at the end. But my children refused to leave. They waited, sang, and sat with us. They were so gentle and kind.

The hospice company was only involved on the last day due to a snafu. sigh. But they were wonderful. They sent us a harpist. She sang and played from 9p-10:30p. The songs were a range of hymns, classical Latin pieces, and Celtic music. At one point the nurse and I both made out the words, "I love you Jesus." This was a huge victory because most of the last few weeks, we couldn't understand her at all.

Mom died at 11:35p.m. on March 1st.

The hardest thing for me to handle was the actual moment of release. What I mean is the moment I had to say, "Go and do it" to the team. I had to have them tell me 3 or 4 times that she was dead. I had a hard time believing it. We all watched her take her last breath. She'd fought so hard. I laid my hand on her chest and told her to let go. And she finally did.

This is when the brain donation team leapt into motion. The nurses at the nursing home followed my pre-set instructions to the "T." They called the funeral home for transport, the Medical Examiner (who donated his time), and the brain bank to prepare them.

There was not a feeling of relief that so many people described. I felt sadness, instead, a sense that she missed so much joy in this life. I was glad she could go to heaven and feel real joy. But I felt cheated that she'd had such a difficult life of mental illness. I felt cheated, as a daughter, that I could never have a normal conversation with her in my entire life. I felt hope that I could have some great conversations with her in heaven. I can't wait to find out who she really is. Can you imagine how long that chat will be? I know the schizophrenia masked who she wanted to be, who she was deep down, and imprisoned the loving mother she could have been.

As a Stephen Minister, I know the stages of grief. But they still took me by surprise. Not the stages so much as one stage. Anger. It shocked me. My anger whipped around me for several days. And it made me angrier that I was angry! Oh brother, talk about a catch 22. LOL, sigh. I'm much better now thanks to the wonderful friends who just listened (which ironically is exactly what a Stephen Minister is for.) I thank God he provided me with such a wonderful support network.

Well, we had a 24 hour window to provide a fresh brain donation to the brain bank. (There are other options, but this is the one that I felt would best serve our situation.) The M.E. arrived and did his procedure from 1a.m - 3a.m. Then a courier (read-taxi) picked up the container, delivered it to the airport, and her brain arrived in Boston at 5 p.m.

I had a terrible scare that bad weather had grounded it in Minneapolis. But it hadn't. Everything went like clock work because it had been surrounded in prayer. People showed up and did their part of the teamwork right on time, others stayed with me, yet others called to help me get over the waiting and the concern that something could go wrong. This was mom's last gift, I thought, and nothing could go wrong.

The Lord did not allow anything to disrupt this gift. The support, the plans, the love. Everyone on the team was really on the team. No one fell behind. To all of them, thank you.

But mom had one more gift. One I didn't expect. The hospice company called a week later. They had noticed some things that weren't the best of circumstances. They wanted my input to help correct the lack of education and conditions in the nursing home.

Because of what mom experienced, and my ability to communicate for her, the people in her nursing home and possibly others, will get some more training. Other folks will have better end-of-life care. Others will benefit because my mom lived. Many from the studies at the brain bank. And many living where she lived.

My children benefit from having the honor of helping their grandma die with dignity surrounded by her loved ones. They had a rough time, but they refused to leave her. This caused quite a stir with the nurses and hospice folks. I didn't know about the stir until later.

The nurses and staff told the hospice company that they were ministered to by the fact that Eva's family surrounded her with such overwhelming support as she died. They all knew how hard it has been the last few years. It was incredibly difficult to manage her meds, diseases, and physical needs because she didn't believe she was sick. She fought everyone who tried to help her. Mom believed that someone was doing all of this to her.

So in the end, the staff felt our family had so much peace and strength, and that we shared it with them. It wasn't something they were used to seeing. (I don't know why.) They felt we had a sense of understanding and reality. But that there was such peace.

No one had ever been involved in a brain donation before. Well, heck, neither had I! But they were all so moved to be a part of the team. And we all did feel like it was a huge team effort. And I am so grateful to them all.

If anyone would like more information about what happens with brain donation, how to put a team together, or you are just curious, please feel free to ask.

We will be taking mom's ashes to Denver. The only thing I figured out after all these years was that she wanted to be buried by my grandparents. I'm glad I will be able to do that for her.

For those of you still caring for family members with long-term illnesses or mentally ill loved ones, may God bless you and give you a sense of purpose in that work. May He give you humor, joy, and peace as He works through you. You will make a difference. Keep going.

If this story helps you writers to deepen a character, gain knowledge, spurs an idea-well then-mom's given another gift:-)

Angie

Remember you can find the Brain Bank at www.brainbank.mclean.org or by calling 800 brainbank

Missing Elements

Hi,
Sorry to have been quiet for so long. My mom died last Thursday. I needed to focus on other things. Thank you for visiting in my absence. I did have to remove one entire post because of a very obscene comment left by a spammer. There was no way to remove the lengthy rant of obscenities without deleting the post on Tricia Goyer's book.

This brings me to the realization that there are missing elements in everyone's life. The spammer couldn't contain his rant of hatred toward Christ, day after day we forget some little thing we should have done, and people die.

Missing elements. Things forgotten or left behind. But instead of thinking about being left behind down here on earth, I think we are the missing elements being waited for up in heaven. I rejoice because though she will no longer come to me, I will soon go to her.

2 Samuel 12:18-23 is a passage about David's loss of his son with Bathsheba. Verse 23 says, "But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

We will soon go to be with our loved ones and with the Lord, but we are the missing pieces of the fullness of heaven not the other way around. I look and hope with joy for the day I will be reunited with the loved ones who have gone on before me.

And for those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile, you know that mom was mentally ill. I planned to help her give her last gift to those of us here on earth through a brain donation. It was successful. Her brain arrived within the 24 hour window at the Brain Bank. (It's found at www.brainbank.mclean.org or by calling 1800-brainbank.)

I had a really hard time at the end. I had to keep asking if she was really gone. I didn't want to take what was still hers. It took them several times to convince me that she was really gone. I guess the logical me just wasn't present then.

I'll talk about this more in the future, but I will be getting a report of the findings in 8-12 weeks. It's so important to me to find some answers. Mom's life was very rough due to the paranoid schizophrenia. I see her joyfully dancing with the Lord now in a perfect and whole version of herself. I can't wait to meet her. I can't wait to actually communicate with the mother who loved me so much, but couldn't figure out how to socially connect to those who wanted to love her back. I have so many questions.

For those of you who are wondering, I look forward to sharing anything I learn that will help others understand mental illness. I will try to post all that assists once I understand it myself.

Again, thank you for visiting and sticking with me through this time. I'll be back more regularly now.

Angie
PS I am moderating comments to protect you all from reading obscene things. Thanks for your understanding.

Just a short note about grief and loss...

A word from my friend, Michelle Sutton:
Our worship leader Jim is getting worse. In fact, he's not expected to live out the week. The good news is that his death will not be wasted. God used it to bring his friend to salvation. A friend Jim had tried to reach for years. Jim's favorite song is How Great is Our God. The main theme of the song is God's awesome power and majesty and how He's in control of it all. We're supposed to sing it as a worship team in tribute to him this Sunday. There won't be a dry eye in the place. Though he will be leaving a wife and two teens behind (as well as two young adult children) he's ready to meet his maker. Of course, he doesn't want the heartache that comes with his passing, but he's exciting about meeting the Lord soon. I don't blame him. Someday all of those who believe will see Him face to face and we'll worship our Lord together. All of the heartaches of this life will melt away. What an awesome day that will be.

Michelle

Talk about Mental!

Is anyone in your family mentally ill? Supposedly we had an aunt back 2 generations ago. But, my mother is diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur. She was diagnosed when I was two years old. No one really knows why. I can't wait to get to heaven and ask the Big Guy about it. I wonder things like...Why couldn't she be healed? What purpose did her life serve? Why would You let her go through life like that? The main question though...Why couldn't she act like a normal mom? I really wanted a normal mom. Someone I could talk to about being a girl, how to act around boys, and falling in love. That was a fantasy for me while other kids might have fantasized over (okay I tried, but I have no clue what a normal kid fantasized about.)

I know there are questions that come up every day with family members that are mentally ill. Dealing with them day in and day out makes you want to give up. Sometimes, I have to take a break from her. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that I'm her guardian. THAT was a three year long battle! Something for another blogtime.

On a good day, my mother thinks there are only a few of me. On a bad day, she thinks there are 17 of me, if she recognizes me at all. I learned to wear light colored clothing. What? Light colors are less evil to her. If I wear dark colors, she thinks I'm the evil one of the 17 of me. Yeah, keep that straight.

Then there's the sexual, religious (having nothing to do with faith), and racist things she thinks, sees, and hears. I want to cringe under the table at any given restaurant on any given day when she gets started on those things. She watches everyone like a hawk (that was before she went blind from denying her diabetes) to see who is planning to "hit" her.

A "hit" is giving her something she doesn't want-like diabetes or back pain. She's sure that someone did something to her that can be taken away again. Uh huh, like diabetes.

Three years too late. The judge finally awarded me full guardianship-too late to save my mother's eyesight from...diabetes and lack of treatment. The County Attorney had to fight their own office. You guessed it-the state awarded my mother public counsel to fight for her right to freedom. Never mind that they were allowing her to go blind in the process. It took several (lost count) trips to the local short term mental unit and then two transfers for long term stay at the state hospital.

Now, six years into caring for my mother, I have her in a nursing home that helps me manage her very difficult care. She's at least not living on the streets of Denver anymore. Did you know a huge percentage of homeless folks are mentally ill? Did you know that many of their families had to give up? Many of those families don't even know their loved one is still alive. And before you go getting all upset, our country grants the right to freedom. Many of the mentally ill living on the streets choose to be there rather than in treatment. In their minds, it's a form of freedom.

How can I say that? Only because of the experience I've had saving my mother from the streets. It isn't easy. She didn't want to come with me. But I had a choice to make. I could either find a way to help her or find her somewhere dead in an alley. Her blood sugar was way over 500 when I finally convinced her to see a doctor. In fact, the doc wondered why she hadn't gone into a coma. She'd been told five years before that she was diabetic. She determined someone had "hit" her and needed to take it away. Therefore in her mind, it wasn't real.

So how do you deal with a mentally ill family member? For me it is through a strong faith and a great support network that the Lord has built for me and my mom. I'll talk about this topic more if you'd like. It's not an easy one for anyone. There are many facets and no real black and white answers. Just don't give up. Take a day off, heck, take a few days off if you need them-I do. But don't give up. I believe some of the reasons for the illness might just be about the growth of those around them.

I keep myself going with this unusual thought. I believe that I am allowing my mother to die with dignity. I'm not saying she will die any time soon. I'm just saying it won't be on the streets puffed from diabetes and yellow from jaundice (she had that when I found her too because her kidneys and liver were beginning to fail.) When she does go to heaven, I picture her as a little girl with dark pigtails flying behind her as she runs to get a hug from Jesus. I picture her with a perfect mind and body joyously laughing into eternity. I see her full of clarity, energy, and happiness. And I can't wait to one day meet her there to have that chat I always wanted.

Angie