Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Boundaries

Have you ever wondered why you let something go so far? Do you often feel invaded? What about pushed around? Defensive?

Often the problem isn't even definable. You may no longer like yourself because of the resentment and anger. Feelings of worthlessness, being unloved, or like you are incapable of making normal decisions without someone else's approval sneak in like fog tendrils through a crack in the door. You don't notice until fills the room.

When someone reads your diary, that's a socially recognized invasion. What about someone who regularly goes through your things looking for clues to support their suspicions? Most of the time, this isn't about whether you are guilty or innocent. It's more about the other person's lack of confidence in themself. Self-doubt absorbs every thought, word and action so that they are on a mission (albeit an obsessive one) to prove the "facts." It's sociopathic behavior. There is no remorse, lot's of accusation, but no recognition of their own misbehavior. In fact, this kind of soul often convinces themself (and you) that their reasoning is sound and that somehow you brought it on yourself!

Have you thought much about your own opinions? Are they really yours or are they thrust on you? (We're going to talk about this in a future blog in depth. It'll be the, Who Am I Really? post.)

Strong opinions should have a personal source in experience, not someone else's, but your own. When someone manipulates your opinions, you can't trace back to an incident that actually caused you to form that opinion. You've heard it so many times that you absorbed the opinion. Think about what you say over the next few days. Have you been manipulated by repetition and emotion?

Try this excercise: Really think before you share an opinion. Determine if you can trace it back to an experience related to you. Then think hard again. What is it based on? Consider these options-knowledge, experience, or heresay? How do you feel about that opinion now?

Now, one last thing for today (these are only examples as not everyone is exactly the same.) If someone is going through your things, accusing you of behavior you really don't do, or regularly stands in your personal space (less than 18-24 inches away), threatens to destroy your things, does destroy your things, puts you and/or your family members down, touches when they aren't invited-well this list can go on-then your boundaries are being invaded.

Recognizing you have a right to boundaries is the very first step in personal growth. Would you be willing to concentrate on learning your boundaries for a while? And remember, change is hard. Other people don't like change. You will face resistance. But do you want to feel this way a year from now or feel more confident because you can look back and see amazing progress in becoming the beautiful soul God made you to be?

May the Lord bless you, dear friend, with the courage to explore your boundaries,
Angie

PS Here's a book that might help.
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