Mental illness is so hard because it doesn't play fair. No one wants to have to put their loved one in the hospital, but you do what you have to do. If she was bleeding on the outside or in an uncontrollable diabetic state-well-then that somehow seems easier. It's only easier because you can see some sort of healing process or feel like someone can help. With mental illness, you always have to stay on the hopeful side even when you can't see the progress.
Mental illness drags you down into the spiral with the family member until sometimes you wonder who is the really sick one. Sometimes I get so frustrated with my schizophrenic mother that I just want to give up. Don't. But also, don't stop her from getting the help she needs even when you feel like giving up. Sometimes helping her get the help she needs is actually giving you the help you need. All of you keep
learning every time she has a bad period.
It's really important right now to realize that God has a plan for both you in all this messiness. It doesn't feel good. It hurts. It's not fair. This is the beautiful child/parent/spouse/sibling that you have so many future hopes tied into. But it's real and it's important. God gave you to her and her to you for just this moment in time.
We are but a mist, a moment on this earth before we are brought into eternity. Relax into the feel of the Holy Spirit working through the situation. Let the feel of His breeze blow you in the right direction. Romans 8:26-27 says that the Lord knows your heart and your needs and takes them right to God as an intercessor. The spirit intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words to express. Instead of verbally trying to put the depths of your prayer into words, would you consider groaning before the Lord?
How? Like this:
Sit down or kneel down or lay on the floor. Concentrate on the depth of pain you are feeling. Allow the tears to come. Allow yourself to groan out loud. In those groans (don't stop) see the Holy Spirit swirling through your body.
See the Spirit swirl all those groaning prayers around himself and racing to the throne room. Now picture the majesty and stunning glory of the throne room. See the Holy Spirit lean and meld into the one true God. His eyes turn and focus on you. They pierce into your soul. He nods in understanding. He knows how you feel, what you are asking, and what to do about it. Are you willing to let go and let God take it from here? Hold your hands up to him and blow your worries, fears, and pain away.
Watch him catch it all. Watch a slow smile spread across his features. Hear him say, "I can take it from here. It is in my power. It is in my plan. I love you."