Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Here Am I, Lord, Send Me

Today I was given the most precious of gifts. The state Medical Examiner's office is a new part of my brain donation team. Dr. K (I didn't get permission to use his name, so I won't) is set and prepared to assist when the time comes to donate. Thank you Dr. K.! His back up is another doctor willing to do the same. I have 24/7 coverage so that this effort will not go to waste. They said they were not only willing, but they would not charge me to assist in this circumstance. I am so full of gratitude.

I find myself acting in odd ways for me. My son had to tell me that talking about brain donation (and the process) wasn't exactly dinner conversation. Duh! But I didn't even realize it. I'm usually the one putting the kabosh on inappropriate communication. I went from matter-of-fact explanations to wanting to throw up in a space of 3 seconds. Man, today has been a rough day.

I succeeded though. I have a team prepared. From the doctors to the funeral home to the Brain Bank. I'm finishing with weekend contingency plans. If I never do another good thing in my life, I feel like this will be a shining moment. Mom and I are going to find a way to make someone else's life better. Somehow, this will be one link in the chain to build healthy, quality lives for other families. Please Lord, bring this all to fruition with your blessings.

I need to create a file for each location with all the numbers, people, doctors, and signed consents. I am not taking any chances. We'll have 24 hour window to make it work. I refuse to lose that opportunity to help change the world and make sense out of the madness we've lived. I'm very verbal with my whole family. If something happens to me, they have to know what to do for both of us.

Do people know what is important to you? Have you communicated it? If not, why not?

I've wanted the possibility for some answers all my life. It may not answer everything, but maybe it will help me understand something. The Brain Bank is going to send back a very detailed neurological report. And in the process, we might help another daughter have a relationship with her mother. I really want that-to make a difference in the world through this one act.

The Brain Bank explained that there can be no massive stroke, brain cancer, or ventilator. If any of those occur, then the brain is unusable. I'll be going to the nursing home for a meeting with the staff. Everyone must understand how important protecting her is to the whole process.

You know what scares me right now? What if it takes a long time? What if I or someone in the team get complacent? What if I have to go through all these emotions again? What if my mom doesn't know how hard I tried to get my brother to see her? What if he doesn't come-ever? I want her to have that one last gift. I want her to see her son. She begs for him when she's almost coherent. It's been well over 10 years. I've lost count.

What do you need to put as a higher priority? What do you want to do to make a difference in the world? Can you make a list and just start working that list?

You can.

Please don't let time continue to pass. Make your choice and make a difference.

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